You got a problem with that?

Why do New Yorkers seem rude? A noted critic and essayist has a few ideas

  • By Joan Acocella
  • Photographs by Bob Sacha
  • Smithsonian magazine, May 2008, Subscribe
 
Author Joan Acocella
Author Joan Acocella (Bob Sacha)

Related Books

Twenty-eight Artists and Two Saints: Essays

by by Joan Acocella
Pantheon, 2007

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In my experience, many people believe that New Yorkers are smarter than other Americans, and this may actually be true. The majority of people who live in New York City were not born here. Indeed, more than a third were not born in the United States. New Yorkers, then, are people who left another place and came here, looking for something, which suggests that the population is preselected for higher energy and ambition.

Also for a willingness to forgo basic comforts. I grew up in California, where even middle-income people have a patio on which they can eat breakfast and where almost everyone has a car. In New York, only upper-income people enjoy those amenities. The others would like to share them. I sometimes get into conversations with taxi drivers, and since most of them are new to the city, I often ask them what they miss about the place they came from. Almost always, they name very ordinary pleasures: a slower pace of life, a café where they could sit around and talk to friends, a street where they could play kickball without getting run over. Those who miss these things enough will go back home. That means that the rest of us, statistically, are more high-strung, hungry and intent on long-term gains—traits that quite possibly correlate with intelligence.

But I think it's also possible that New Yorkers just appear smarter, because they make less separation between private and public life. That is, they act on the street as they do in private. In the United States today, public behavior is ruled by a kind of compulsory cheer that people probably picked up from television and advertising and that coats their transactions in a smooth, shiny glaze, making them seem empty-headed. New Yorkers have not yet gotten the knack of this. That may be because so many of them grew up outside the United States, and also because they live so much of their lives in public, eating their lunches in parks, riding to work in subways. It's hard to keep up the smiley face for that many hours a day.

It is said that New Yorkers are rude, but I think what people mean by that is that New Yorkers are more familiar. The man who waits on you in the delicatessen is likely to call you sweetheart. (Feminists have gotten used to this.) People on the bus will say, "I have the same handbag as you. How much did you pay?" If they don't like the way you are treating your children, they will tell you. And should you try to cut in front of somebody in the grocery store checkout line, you will be swiftly corrected. My mother, who lives in California, doesn't like to be kept waiting, so when she goes into the bank, she says to the people in the line, "Oh, I have just one little thing to ask the teller. Do you mind?" Then she scoots to the front of the line, takes the next teller and transacts her business, which is typically no briefer than anyone else's. People let her do this because she is an old lady. In New York, she wouldn't get away with it for a second.

While New Yorkers don't mind correcting you, they also want to help you. In the subway or on the sidewalk, when someone asks a passerby for directions, other people, overhearing, may hover nearby, disappointed that they were not the ones asked, and waiting to see if maybe they can get a word in. New Yorkers like to be experts. Actually, all people like to be experts, but most of them satisfy this need with friends and children and employees. New Yorkers, once again, tend to behave with strangers the way they do with people they know.

This injects a certain drama into our public life. The other day I was in the post office when a man in line in front of me bought one of those U.S. Postal Service boxes. Then he moved down the counter a few inches to assemble his package while the clerk waited on the next person. But the man soon discovered that the books he wanted to mail were going to rattle around in the box, so he interrupted the clerk to tell her his problem. She offered to sell him a roll of bubble wrap, but he told her that he had already paid $2.79 for the box, and that was a lot for a box—he could have gotten a box for free at the liquor store—and what was he going to do with a whole roll of bubble wrap? Carry it around all day? The clerk shrugged. Then the man spotted a copy of the Village Voice on the counter and laid hold of it to use it for stuffing. "No!" said the clerk. "That's my Voice." Annoyed, the man put it back and looked around helplessly. Now a woman in line behind me said she'd give him the sections of her New York Times that she didn't want, and she began going through the paper. "Real estate? You can have real estate. Sports? Here, take sports." But the real estate section was all the man needed. He separated the pages, stuffed them in the box and proceeded to the taping process (interrupting the clerk once again). Another man in line asked the woman if he could have the sports section, since she didn't want it. She gave it to him, and so finally everything was settled.

This was an interesting show, to which you could have a wide range of reactions. Why didn't the box man bring some stuffing? If the clerk hadn't finished her Village Voice, why did she leave it on the counter? And so on. In any case, the scene sufficed to fill up those boring minutes in line—or, I should add, to annoy the people who just wanted to read their newspaper in peace instead of being exposed to the man's postal adventure. I won't say this could happen only in New York, but I believe that the probability is much greater here.

Why are New Yorkers like this? It goes against psychological principles. Psychologists tell us that the more stimuli people are bombarded with, the more they will recede into themselves and ignore others. So why is it that New Yorkers, who are certainly confronted with enough stimuli, do the opposite? I have already given a few possible answers, but here's one more: the special difficulties of life in New York—the small apartments, the struggle for a seat on the bus or a table at a restaurant—seem to breed a sense of common cause. When New Yorkers see a stranger, they don't think, "I don't know you." They think, "I know you. I know your problems—they're the same as mine—and furthermore we have the same handbag." So that's how they treat you.


In my experience, many people believe that New Yorkers are smarter than other Americans, and this may actually be true. The majority of people who live in New York City were not born here. Indeed, more than a third were not born in the United States. New Yorkers, then, are people who left another place and came here, looking for something, which suggests that the population is preselected for higher energy and ambition.

Also for a willingness to forgo basic comforts. I grew up in California, where even middle-income people have a patio on which they can eat breakfast and where almost everyone has a car. In New York, only upper-income people enjoy those amenities. The others would like to share them. I sometimes get into conversations with taxi drivers, and since most of them are new to the city, I often ask them what they miss about the place they came from. Almost always, they name very ordinary pleasures: a slower pace of life, a café where they could sit around and talk to friends, a street where they could play kickball without getting run over. Those who miss these things enough will go back home. That means that the rest of us, statistically, are more high-strung, hungry and intent on long-term gains—traits that quite possibly correlate with intelligence.

But I think it's also possible that New Yorkers just appear smarter, because they make less separation between private and public life. That is, they act on the street as they do in private. In the United States today, public behavior is ruled by a kind of compulsory cheer that people probably picked up from television and advertising and that coats their transactions in a smooth, shiny glaze, making them seem empty-headed. New Yorkers have not yet gotten the knack of this. That may be because so many of them grew up outside the United States, and also because they live so much of their lives in public, eating their lunches in parks, riding to work in subways. It's hard to keep up the smiley face for that many hours a day.

It is said that New Yorkers are rude, but I think what people mean by that is that New Yorkers are more familiar. The man who waits on you in the delicatessen is likely to call you sweetheart. (Feminists have gotten used to this.) People on the bus will say, "I have the same handbag as you. How much did you pay?" If they don't like the way you are treating your children, they will tell you. And should you try to cut in front of somebody in the grocery store checkout line, you will be swiftly corrected. My mother, who lives in California, doesn't like to be kept waiting, so when she goes into the bank, she says to the people in the line, "Oh, I have just one little thing to ask the teller. Do you mind?" Then she scoots to the front of the line, takes the next teller and transacts her business, which is typically no briefer than anyone else's. People let her do this because she is an old lady. In New York, she wouldn't get away with it for a second.

While New Yorkers don't mind correcting you, they also want to help you. In the subway or on the sidewalk, when someone asks a passerby for directions, other people, overhearing, may hover nearby, disappointed that they were not the ones asked, and waiting to see if maybe they can get a word in. New Yorkers like to be experts. Actually, all people like to be experts, but most of them satisfy this need with friends and children and employees. New Yorkers, once again, tend to behave with strangers the way they do with people they know.

This injects a certain drama into our public life. The other day I was in the post office when a man in line in front of me bought one of those U.S. Postal Service boxes. Then he moved down the counter a few inches to assemble his package while the clerk waited on the next person. But the man soon discovered that the books he wanted to mail were going to rattle around in the box, so he interrupted the clerk to tell her his problem. She offered to sell him a roll of bubble wrap, but he told her that he had already paid $2.79 for the box, and that was a lot for a box—he could have gotten a box for free at the liquor store—and what was he going to do with a whole roll of bubble wrap? Carry it around all day? The clerk shrugged. Then the man spotted a copy of the Village Voice on the counter and laid hold of it to use it for stuffing. "No!" said the clerk. "That's my Voice." Annoyed, the man put it back and looked around helplessly. Now a woman in line behind me said she'd give him the sections of her New York Times that she didn't want, and she began going through the paper. "Real estate? You can have real estate. Sports? Here, take sports." But the real estate section was all the man needed. He separated the pages, stuffed them in the box and proceeded to the taping process (interrupting the clerk once again). Another man in line asked the woman if he could have the sports section, since she didn't want it. She gave it to him, and so finally everything was settled.

This was an interesting show, to which you could have a wide range of reactions. Why didn't the box man bring some stuffing? If the clerk hadn't finished her Village Voice, why did she leave it on the counter? And so on. In any case, the scene sufficed to fill up those boring minutes in line—or, I should add, to annoy the people who just wanted to read their newspaper in peace instead of being exposed to the man's postal adventure. I won't say this could happen only in New York, but I believe that the probability is much greater here.

Why are New Yorkers like this? It goes against psychological principles. Psychologists tell us that the more stimuli people are bombarded with, the more they will recede into themselves and ignore others. So why is it that New Yorkers, who are certainly confronted with enough stimuli, do the opposite? I have already given a few possible answers, but here's one more: the special difficulties of life in New York—the small apartments, the struggle for a seat on the bus or a table at a restaurant—seem to breed a sense of common cause. When New Yorkers see a stranger, they don't think, "I don't know you." They think, "I know you. I know your problems—they're the same as mine—and furthermore we have the same handbag." So that's how they treat you.

This belief in a shared plight may underlie the remarkable level of cooperation that New Yorkers can show in times of trouble. Every few years or so, we have a water shortage, and then the mayor goes on the radio and tells us that we can't leave the water running in the sink while we're brushing our teeth. Surprise! People obey, and the water table goes up again. The more serious the problem, the more dramatic the displays of cooperation. I will not speak of the World Trade Center disaster, because it is too large a subject, but the last time we had a citywide power failure, and hence no traffic lights, I saw men in business suits—they looked like lawyers—directing traffic at busy intersections on Ninth Avenue. They got to be traffic cops for a day and tell the big trucks when to stop and when to go. They looked utterly delighted.

Another curious form of cooperation one sees in New York is the unspoken ban on staring at celebrities. When you get into an elevator in an office building and find that you are riding with Paul McCartney—this happened to me—you are not supposed to look at him. You can peek for a second, but then you must avert your eyes. The idea is that Paul McCartney has to be given his space like anyone else. A limousine can bring him to the building he wants to go to, but it can't take him to the 12th floor. To get there, he has to ride in an elevator with the rest of us, and we shouldn't take advantage of that. This logic is self-flattering. It's nice to think that Paul McCartney needs us to do him a favor, and that we live in a city with so many famous people that we can afford to ignore them. But if vanity is involved, so is generosity. I remember, once, in the early '90s, standing in a crowded lobby at City Center Theater when Jackie Onassis walked in. Everyone looked at her and then immediately looked down. There was a whole mob of people staring at their shoes. When Jackie died, a few years later, I was happy to remember that scene. I was glad that we had been polite to her.

Of course, the rule with celebrities, which forbids involvement, is different from the other expressions of common cause, which dictate involvement. And since few of us are celebrities, the latter are far more numerous. As a result, New Yorkers, however kind and generous, may also come off as opinionated and intrusive. Living with them is a little like being a child again and having your mother with you all the time, helping you, correcting you, butting into your business. And that, I believe, is another reason why New Yorkers seem smarter. Your mother knew better, too, right?

Joan Acocella is a staff writer for The New Yorker.
Photographer Bob Sacha is based in New York City.


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Comments (118)

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I think that the stark, no-frills directness of the city (and the Northeast in general) can easily be mistaken as rude by Southerners. Couple that with the fast-paced anonymity and New York can seem like a really cruel place. Don't get mad at me for saying this but what struck me is an inhumane coldness that some seem to pride themselves on. It can come from the ruthless corporate raider, the shallow fashion designer, the angry gang-banger, the jaded thrill-seeker or filthy rich socialite. It's like there's something dark that attracts people to the city and sometimes it feels like there's a black cloud over Manhattan. I get this feeling at night near Times Square, I don't know. I've also noticed that New Yorkers will fight for you and do anything for you if you treat them right I like that. I love the city but sometimes I don't because I get my feeling hurt easily LOL. Overall I love it.

Posted by Raymond from TExas on May 4,2013 | 05:05 AM

I've always wondered why New Yorkers are so eager to help a stranger in need, (namely tourists). I thought it would have been the opposite.

Posted by Raymond from TExas on May 4,2013 | 04:45 AM

I am an UPSTATE New Yorker. I find the NY city people to be very rude compared to other states I have resided in or other countries I have visited. I really enjoyed this article and found it to be insightful. When I lived in Florida, I, (a big mouth New Yorker) would dress down other big mouth New Yorkers and tell them I was ashamed to admit I was from NY since everyone thinks that means you must be from NYC. One loud old lady was giving this poor elderly clerk a hard time because the price rang up 1 penny more than she thought it should. The line kept getting longer. I tapped her on the shoulder and said "here's your penny, leave this poor woman alone and stop acting like a rude New Yorker" and then I turned to the crowd behind us and said "I'm from New York and I just want to apologize, not all of us act like that". I got a standing ovation.

Posted by Lana on April 25,2013 | 04:51 PM

I am 21 years old and I have lived in Miami Beach FL, Fort worth Texas and The bronx Ny, I Have also lived in foreign countries and I've seen the differences in culture first hand... I am currently living in new york after having moved here from Miami Beach and I have to say there is CERTAINLY a difference in people's behavior here. "Emotionally constipated" is probably the better term to use. people are way more open and willing to share their emotions in other parts of the world. the use of profanity here is prevalent and almost acceptable, the streets are gritty and not very well maintained, and I've noticed that people here smoke cigarettes more than I have seen anywhere else. there is an amount of stress people carry here which is almost tangible in their mannerisms. all in all the culture in new york really does make for a bad experience if you are accustomed to being treated kindly.

Posted by Bryan on April 19,2013 | 01:08 PM

I have lived in NYC for 12 years. I don't find my co-workers, friends and neighbors who live and work in NYC to be rude. But I think that Manhattan has the rudest customer service of any place I have ever been. (3 foreign countries including France and 43 states). From the clerk at Macy's who told me to eff off (using the real word) to the receptionist at my oral surgeons office who scolded me for missing a follow up appointment. (I didn't. She was confused after I had called the surgeon after I had an allergic reaction to the pain killers. He never called me back.) It's just a Manhattan thing I can never get used to.

Posted by TJ on April 4,2013 | 07:17 PM

When people do not understand they tend to fear and mock. Sometimes they even look for excuses to compensate for their lack of.... Being a NEW YORKER, I cannot tell you how many times, that I hear I want to move or live in a cool place like that..Wow,Okay you may jump into the snake pit with a thoughtless act of blindness, and stupidity. Education is the key. Sorry, that's the truth. You may not take your GED and make it in NYC. As far as, rudeness give me a break. I am so sorry. I don't make time for drama, or someone pawing me for the 15th question on do you know where 52nd street is. Do your homework before travel. When you stop us at 4 am we are on the way to work, and when you stop us at 6 or 7 pm we are on our way home from work. 7 days a week, mostly. Get the pic, now.

Posted by michele on February 7,2013 | 10:34 AM

Having lived in NYC in my 20s through the early 90s, I found home with some of the world's brightest artists and musicians, all of whom chose to move to NYC. The city in turn, held them in their youth, beauty, and enthusiasm up on the highest of pedestals. There were parts that were lacking, but I can find negative sides to anything if I look hard enough. I live in california now, but will always see NYC as the world capitol as it truly is. Great article, thank you so much. As with anyplace, unless you live there you see through the eyes of a tourist which is not how you acquaint yourselves with the soul of a place. To the gentleman that claims that silicon valley is the only place where intelligence lives, I would ask him to please get off the coat tails of Steve Jobs and give NYC a try before making such a statement.

Posted by od on January 2,2013 | 10:26 PM

New Yorkers are great, except when one of them pushes you onto the subway tracks. Then, you're completely on your own...

Posted by hneftafl on December 27,2012 | 11:55 PM

Very informal. Fantastic read. Thanks

Posted by Cody on November 30,2012 | 09:52 AM

"New Yorkers, then, are people who left another place and came here, looking for something, which suggests that the population is preselected for higher energy and ambition." No, it doesn't. The flipside is that they also left wherever they were originally from. In many cases, the places they left are richer for their absence; I'd be surprised if more than a few of them are much missed. New Yorkers are generally no smarter than anyone else, and certainly have much lower "emotional intelligence" than adults in other parts of the U.S. and the developed world. I would argue that New Yorkers also have inferior social skills compared to most adults, though their long-term coping skills are probably comparable. New Yorkers don't just mystically "seem" rude. The people who self-select to live here are genuinely rude, and less happy, than most adults throughout most of the developed world. Intellectually and culturally, this city last peaked about half a century ago. There's no ongoing renaissance, no superior intellectual edge, no greater popular ambition; and no mystery about any of it. It's a town filled with unhappy people and contempt. That said, if you have any wretched refuse you'd like to get rid of, we're always accepting applications.

Posted by Tidewater on August 14,2012 | 09:11 PM

I have lived and worked in every major region of the United States and over 40 countries around the world... Without question New York is the most regressive, dirty and repugnant spot on this earth... and that only refers to the physical location. Add in the people and the result is toxic to the soul. I will gladly accept a long layover at Logan or Philly to avoid even changing planes in New York. New Yorkers are in general the product of reverse Darwinism... survival of the unfittest...

Posted by John Randall on July 28,2012 | 03:10 PM

Just finished a trip to NYC. I would not describe the population as highly educated by any definition. As for rude? Every cash register in the city comes equipped with an indifferent semi rude store clerk and a tip jar. Only in NYC you can expect to pay 3 bucks for a pack of gum and them be encouraged to tip rude jerk that barely lifted a finger help you.

Posted by RStewart on July 16,2012 | 11:14 PM

As a native of New York City now living in Los Angeles, I can identify with many of the cultural differences mentioned As a New Yorker I do try to be helpful but the response us usually suspicion. New Yorkersare by nature gregarious people. I disagree that we are helpful because we can understand each other's difficulties. Being in stuck in horrendous traffic day in and day out in LA is certainly a shared difficulty. I believe our openness with stra gers cones feom being face to face with tbem regularly whereas there is a

Posted by on July 15,2012 | 08:58 PM

No, they dont seem to be rude - they are actually RUDE. I specially hate people from NY that move to other parts of the country and are rude. When you say to them you are being rude they almost always say ' I am not rude, I am just being NYorker'!…as if you get a license to be rude if you are from NY.

Posted by Mike on July 14,2012 | 03:54 PM




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