Eric Klinenberg on Going Solo

The surprising benefits, to oneself and to society, of living alone

  • By Joseph Stromberg
  • Smithsonian magazine, February 2012, Subscribe
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Eric Klinenberg
According to author Eric Klinenberg, there are more than 32 million people living alone—about 28 percent of all households. (Jocelyn Lee / Institute)

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Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone

by Eric Klinenberg


In his new book, Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone, Eric Klinenberg argues that many people living on their own have richer social lives than other adults. He spoke with Joseph Stromberg.

How did you first get involved in researching this topic?
My first book was about a heat wave in Chicago where more than 700 people died, in 1995, and when I was doing research on the book I learned that one reason so many people died, and also died alone during that disaster, is that so many people were living alone in Chicago everyday. And I hadn’t really known that before. And during the research for that book, I got to spend some time learning about the rise of living alone, and specifically aging alone. And I got interested in the phenomenon, and concerned about the social problem of being alone and also isolated.

So when I finished, I started thinking about a next project that would continue the theme, and I got funding from the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation to do a bigger follow up study on living alone and social isolation in American life. When I got deeper into the research, I realized that, in fact, only a small number of people who are living alone are actually isolated, or lonely, and that I was really only looking at a very narrow part of the story. So I decided to expand it outward, and to redefine the issue, so that it’s not just a social problem, but also a social change.

I came to see it as a social experiment, because what I learned, surprisingly, is that until about the 1950s, there was no society in the history of our species that supported large numbers of people living alone. Since then, living alone has become incredibly common, throughout the developed world. Wherever there is affluence, and a welfare state, people use their resources to get places of their own.

How prevalent is living alone in America today?
In 1950, there were about 4 million Americans living alone, a little less than 10% of all households were one-person households. And back then, it was most common in the sprawling Western states, like Alaska, and Montana, and Nevada, because single migrant men went there.

Today, there are more than 32 million people living alone—according to the latest census estimates, 32.7 million—and that’s about 28% of all American households. This is an enormous change. Instead of being most common in the West, it’s now most common in big cities, and it's common in big cities throughout the country. In Seattle, and San Francisco, and Denver, and Philadelphia, and Washington, D.C., and Chicago, there are between 35 and 45% of the households have just one person. In Manhattan, where I live, about 1 of every 2 households is a one-person household.

It’s amazing. And it would be quite literally unbelievable were it not for the fact that those rates are even lower than the rates of living alone that we see in comparable European cities.

This topic is not typically part of the national dialogue, and in some ways, it’s overlooked. What do you think accounts for that?
That’s a real puzzle for me. Partly, it’s because not everyone who lives alone identifies that way. It doesn’t exist as a social identity. So we do track the number of singles, or unmarried adults, and we know, for instance, that today there are more American adults are single than married, and that hasn’t been true for centuries, but it's true now. So we do talk about that. But we haven’t taken it the next step further, which is to recognize that so many of the unmarried people are living on their own.


In his new book, Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone, Eric Klinenberg argues that many people living on their own have richer social lives than other adults. He spoke with Joseph Stromberg.

How did you first get involved in researching this topic?
My first book was about a heat wave in Chicago where more than 700 people died, in 1995, and when I was doing research on the book I learned that one reason so many people died, and also died alone during that disaster, is that so many people were living alone in Chicago everyday. And I hadn’t really known that before. And during the research for that book, I got to spend some time learning about the rise of living alone, and specifically aging alone. And I got interested in the phenomenon, and concerned about the social problem of being alone and also isolated.

So when I finished, I started thinking about a next project that would continue the theme, and I got funding from the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation to do a bigger follow up study on living alone and social isolation in American life. When I got deeper into the research, I realized that, in fact, only a small number of people who are living alone are actually isolated, or lonely, and that I was really only looking at a very narrow part of the story. So I decided to expand it outward, and to redefine the issue, so that it’s not just a social problem, but also a social change.

I came to see it as a social experiment, because what I learned, surprisingly, is that until about the 1950s, there was no society in the history of our species that supported large numbers of people living alone. Since then, living alone has become incredibly common, throughout the developed world. Wherever there is affluence, and a welfare state, people use their resources to get places of their own.

How prevalent is living alone in America today?
In 1950, there were about 4 million Americans living alone, a little less than 10% of all households were one-person households. And back then, it was most common in the sprawling Western states, like Alaska, and Montana, and Nevada, because single migrant men went there.

Today, there are more than 32 million people living alone—according to the latest census estimates, 32.7 million—and that’s about 28% of all American households. This is an enormous change. Instead of being most common in the West, it’s now most common in big cities, and it's common in big cities throughout the country. In Seattle, and San Francisco, and Denver, and Philadelphia, and Washington, D.C., and Chicago, there are between 35 and 45% of the households have just one person. In Manhattan, where I live, about 1 of every 2 households is a one-person household.

It’s amazing. And it would be quite literally unbelievable were it not for the fact that those rates are even lower than the rates of living alone that we see in comparable European cities.

This topic is not typically part of the national dialogue, and in some ways, it’s overlooked. What do you think accounts for that?
That’s a real puzzle for me. Partly, it’s because not everyone who lives alone identifies that way. It doesn’t exist as a social identity. So we do track the number of singles, or unmarried adults, and we know, for instance, that today there are more American adults are single than married, and that hasn’t been true for centuries, but it's true now. So we do talk about that. But we haven’t taken it the next step further, which is to recognize that so many of the unmarried people are living on their own.

What’s surprising about that is that when I did interviews for this book—my research team and I did more than 300 interviews—we learned that basically everyone is connected in some way to a family member or friend who lives on their own. And it’s now so common that it goes unmentioned. But, typically, I think Americans are quite anxious about isolation. We believe in self-reliance, but we also long for community. So when there’s someone in our life who lives alone, we tend to worry that there’s something wrong, that they don’t have what they want or need.

You argue that the widespread assumption that living alone is a negative trend is flawed. What are some benefits you've noticed for people living alone?
Well, one thing is that we need to make a distinction between living alone and being alone, or being isolated, or feeling lonely. These are all different things. In fact, people who live alone tend to spend more time socializing with friends and neighbors than people who are married. So one thing I learned is that living alone is not an entirely solitary experience. It’s generally a quite social one.

The next thing, I would say, is that we live today in a culture of hyperconnection, or overconnection. If we once worried about isolation, today, more and more critics are concerned that we’re overconncted. So in a moment like this, living alone is one way to get a kind of restorative solitude, a solitude that can be productive, because your home can be an oasis from the constant chatter and overwhelming stimulation of the digital urban existence. It doesn’t need to be—you can go home and be just as connected as you are everywhere else. That’s one of the stories of my book—the communications revolution has helped made living alone possible, because it makes it a potentially social experience. Certainly, the people we interviewed said that having a place of their own allowed them to decompress, and not everyone can do that.

What factors are driving this trend?
The first thing to say here is that living alone is expensive, and you simply can’t do it unless you can pay the rent, or afford your own place. But we know that there are many things that we can afford but choose not to do, so it’s not enough to say it’s simply an economic matter.

I would say that the four key drivers that I identified were, first, the rise of women. Women’s massive entry into the labor force during the last half century has meant that more and more women can delay marriage, support themselves, leave a marriage that’s not working for them, and even buy their own home, which is a big trend in the real estate market. Marriage is just not economically necessary for women anymore, and that wasn’t true 50 or 60 years ago.

The next thing is the communications revolution. Today, living alone is not a solitary experience. You can be at home, on your couch, talking on the telephone, or instant messaging, or doing email, or many, many things that we do at home to stay connected. And that certainly was not as easy to do before the 1950s.

The third thing is urbanization, because cities support a kind of subculture of single people who live on their own but want to be out in public with each other. In fact there are neighborhoods in cities throughout this country where single people go to live alone, together, if that makes sense. They can be together living alone. That helps to make being single a much more collective experience.

Finally, the longevity revolution means that today, people are living longer than ever before. But it’s been an uneven revolution, with women living longer than men, most of the time, and often one spouse outlives the other by 5, 10, 20 years or more, which means that there’s a big part of life—the last decades of life—when it’s become quite common for people to age alone.

Listening to you, it reminds me of people that I know, in my own family, who have made similar choices to what you’re describing, especially older people.
That’s the thing—one of the things that’s been so remarkable for me about writing this book is how many people can personally connect to it, and feel that this is an experience that they have been living, and that their family has been living with, without actually naming it. And this is the kind of thing that sociology does very well, which is to help us identify and make sense of a condition that we experience as a personal or private matter, when it fact it’s a public and widely shared one. So I think one of the things I want to do in this book is help to name and identify and understand this social change that has touched all of us.

Since the trend is often thought of as a private matter, you argue that its impact on civic life and politics is overlooked. What are some of its effects in the public sphere?
In the book I argue that the spike of living alone has played a large and overlooked role in revitalizing cities, because singletons are so likely to go out in the world, to be in cafes and restaurants, to volunteer in civic organizations, to attend lectures and concerts, to spend time in parks and other public spaces. They have played a big role in reanimating central cities. People who study cities tend to believe that the way to revitalize cities is to create a better supply of public spaces and amenities.

The book focuses mostly on cities. What is happening in rural places?
People live alone in rural areas as well. We’ve also seen, in recent years, a new spike in living alone in states like North Dakota, that have a lot of migrant workers, so in some ways, it’s kind of a return to older trends. Living alone in a rural area can be much tougher than in a city, and the risks of isolation are greater. There’s not the ability to walk to place where you can see friends and family, and if you lose access to a car, you can be in real trouble. For now, it remains a kind of minority, or rare, phenomenon.

Although the book focused on America, it did allude to this trend in other countries as well. What's happening around the world?
The fastest-rising places are India, China, and Brazil, in terms of the rate of increase. And the places that have, by far, the most people living alone, are the Scandinavian countries. The book ends in Europe, specifically in Stockholm, where more than 50% of the households are one-person households. That’s a shocking statistic, for all of us.

Do you have any thoughts on where this trend might be going?
When the economy got bad, pundits everywhere said that we would all start moving in with each other, and couples would not divorce, young people would move into their parents’ basements. Some of that turned out to be true, but in fact the levels of living alone have gone up since 2008. They’ve gone up, not down, and something similar happened in Japan during the lost decade of the 1980s. So I don’t predict that the current economic situation is going to end this trend. It seems to me that this is a social condition that’s here to stay.

Do you live alone?
Only when I’m traveling. I’m now married with two young children. But in the past I did live alone for a time. It was quite wonderful.


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Comments (40)

A well-written book by a very intelligent author. Not to sound like a cliche "self-help book fanatic" but the study that Klinenberg conducted on choosing to live a single life really spoke to me, and it helped me realize the benefits of my lifestyle which I used to be embarassed to tell people about, but am not anymore.

Posted by Ryan on September 23,2012 | 02:57 AM

Just started reading this book and so far I'm shocked at how closely it relates to my life and the lives of my peers. I still feel like there's a "stigma" on single people, especially for women. Not that men are excluded from this kind of judgment, but I constantly hear girls my age putting down single girls who can't find a husband by age 30. They assume it's because those girls are either "undesirable" or just plain crazy to not want a husband and kids. Of course I would never argue that EVERYONE should be living alone, but a great benefit about this new trend in America which not a lot of people are mentioning is that it's a perfect method of Population Control. Finally we have a realistic way of tackling the overgrowing population problem without it being morally or ethically controversial in the eyes of the public (eg. Abstinence vs. Sex Ed., Birth Control, Abortions, etc...).

Posted by Nathan on August 28,2012 | 04:27 PM

I'm not sure if it's a societal issue or cultural, but many seem concerned about my marital status. The older I get I prefer my own space. I have met many women and we're friends. I was married once and that was a disaster. One thing that still strikes me funny is that I told my family and some relatives about a woman friend and they bother me for her and me to marry. The woman doesn't want me to feel pressured to get married. Although I am rather surprised at one time my older sibling phoned while I'm out with my friends to go out and meet women, and then gave the strange advice to pressure my friend to marry me. We had a heated argument about why one does NOT pressure another to get married.

Posted by sam on April 28,2012 | 06:15 PM

I have lived alone for the better part of 15 years and I actually prefer being single. I was a teenage mother in my younger years, and after a messy divorce and my daughter leaving for college in my 30's, I decided to go it alone. I really didn't expect that I would be "going it alone" quite this long. But now I feel fortunate to have taken this path for myself. Today, I enjoy my independence, I have many things to fill my life, I have a large number of true friends and have a meaningful, purposeful job that I love. There are many stimulating things in life besides being with a significant other, although that was a pleasant experience as well. There are pitfalls in either area-being single or as a spouse. I could make positive arguments on both sides, and negative arguments on both sides. I think it comes down to choice. When is it when I feel most fulfilled? When I am single or when I am married or committed? I chose to be single. If I wanted a relationship I would be in one. I think more people are preferring to be single. I teach chemical dependency and social work at a community college. There is a fair amount of dysfunction in our societies households' which may be a contributing factor for people choosing to be single, as it may be easier then dealing with dysfunction. The rules do not apply compared to 60 years ago. They have changed based on many components of living that did not exist in their entirety as they do today. Our world has changed.

Posted by Mary Kay Riendeau on April 26,2012 | 03:10 AM

Finally, a view that doesn't equate the single life with loneliness or loss. When you are lucky enough to live on your own after sharing your life first with your parents, then roommates and finally a spouse, you learn to treasure all the things that that lifestyle brings. Those who have posted have mentioned the small joy in eating whatever and whenever you please. Popcorn for dinner? No problem. Momofuku's crack pie made from an internet recipe and shared with friends at an everyone-bring-something dinner? Wonderful! There is a lot to be said for living as you please - no one to tell you how to think and act, no one to accommodate, no compromises to be made. I have lived alone for most of the last 30 years and often feel a sense of pure bliss. I realize that there are many reasons for this, not just the fact that I am a singleton. Great friends and family, loving pets, a house full of books and music - all these things contribute. It is just nice to know that I am part of a growing trend of people finding their own way to happiness.

Posted by sandra vitrano on April 20,2012 | 01:20 AM

I think living alone is hard, I lived alone unmarried/no real boyfriend, for about 10 years in my mid 30's early 40s. I was lonely. I cried alot, broken hearted about some recent boyfriend. I did finally meet a guy and marry and now live with him and our baby boy, and am more happy, also more tired. Now I have lots of problems, but not that longing for family. That longing is so painful. Loneliness is a really tough problem. When you live alone you have to HUSTLE--constantly trying to create community, which is really positive, but exhausting. This "living alone" thing is not all bad, but DEFINITELY not all good. Its hard, its painful. . I lived alone because I could afford it, and at 35, I felt i must be too old for "roommates". I didn't live alone because I wanted to. I think it would be awesome for 30somethings to realize others need roomates, to live together, and then they would have really nice place... like the lushest place in town, if its two older yuppies. I think there should be a 'loneliness rate' just like unemployment rate, to let the nation know how we're doing. I actually think when the economy went bad in 2007, the loneliness rate went down!! I think people need each other.

Posted by not living alone anymore on April 18,2012 | 04:46 PM

I was excited to read about this situation of living alone which I have chosen for myself. I agree that I fit into the four characteristics that Klinenberg discusses. I am 68 and retired except for part time work I have done for 50 years, working at SF Giants baseball games. I live in inner city San Francisco where I have spent most of my life. I do visit many friends and some family with whom I am well-connected. I have been a teacher and many of my connections are with former colleagues and students who like me still live in the Mission District. I am connected to the Latino community which is very connecting all by itself. I use public transportation except for out of city travel. Mygh son and older daughter live in the city and I see them often though I wouldn't want to share living space with them as they are also alone and like it that way. Our habits are so different. I play cards with friends, go to the many cultural outlets in the City, read a lot (including Smithsonian magazine) belong to a stamp and a coin club, watch a lot of documentary shows and movies on TV, take time to talk to and visit my 7 grandchildren and one great-granddaughter most of whom live distances away. My health is good and I drive to Sacramento once a week to see my excutor who also helpes me with legal and personal matters about once a week. My life is very full and living solo makes it possible for me to share time with all of them. I even have a few friends left from childhood that I spend time talking to or visiting. My life is very full. My next reading project--reading Going Solo by Klinenberg I just reserved at the public library withing walking distance from my house. Oh yes I also walk about one mile+ every day.-- WGraff

Posted by william graff on April 2,2012 | 11:34 AM

Thank you for choosing to focus on this subject which helps to describe my life as I am now living and loving it! Twice married, I remarried seven years after the death of my first husband and divorced five years later. Now single and living alone on my own for the first time in my adult life, ( I am 60) I cannot imagine living any other way. I simply love living alone and doing my life solo. My life is rich and quite full, so much so that at times it is tough fitting it all the things I've discovered that I enjoy. What I most enjoy about my life alone is that I get to do it on my own terms as I choose to, based on what my needs are at any given time. The solitude that living alone affords me works well for me in my spiritual formation practices in a way that living with others did not allow. I have also found it less challenging to make dietary changes and develop healthier lifestyle habits being by myself than living with someone else .While I am open to meeting someone and exploring possibilities for a shared life, I must admit that living together is no longer an option for me. I simply love my life alone!

Posted by Jeannette on March 8,2012 | 03:06 PM

Thank you for this article. I am excited to see the number of single person households. I had no idea.

I love living alone. I've had the opportunity to get a housemate, but always got cold feet. This is my refuge place where I can relax and unwind and do whatever I want. I'm divorced, my kids are grown. Except for the first 9 months of being an empty-nester, I've been blissfully happy.

Mean-spirited people ask me, "Don't you worry about who will care for you when you get old?" I just smile. Most women in America outlive their husbands and die alone anyway, so worry about your life, not about mine.

Posted by GJW on March 6,2012 | 12:15 AM

What a great article. I've been living alone for the last 13 years,I lost my partner of 16 years in 1999. I've dated and tried in getting another partner to share my life. Perhaps I was too picky and trying to find somenone like my last relationship with Tom. I have learned to live alone and like it,I have great friends and family. I just adopted a little chichuca and terrier mix from the local animal rescue center,that little guy gives so much love. At time it does gets lonely,but I am grateful for having a safe quiet apartment, good health and sanity. I see so much pain and sadness, people who are homeless and just having such hard times. I was raised to give and help those who are in need. Eric's book clearly shows that living alone does not have to be a lonely and sad exsistence.

Posted by David Del Rosario on February 28,2012 | 12:30 AM

Great article, it gives voice to what I'm learning after 2 marriages and lots of relationships have failed. (I'm no good at being married.)

I love living alone. The benefits not covered in this article: if you wake up in the middle of the night and want a cheeseburger, fry it up. Nobody will awaken and complain about the smell. Eaten a big bowl of beans for dinner, same thing. I go and come as I please. I never need privacy. No one is observing my behavior. I get to laugh out loud when I have amusing thoughts and there's no explaining. If I need to feel I'm connected to other human beings, I find a rich experience on the internet, and I feel it now with all the other people I didn't know, (before I read this article, are happy flying solo). Good to know you're out there and happy. Carry on...

Posted by Doug on February 22,2012 | 06:34 PM

Oh Paleeze! People who have never experienced the isolation of the elderly, in small towns, where our present economic hardships limit us so that we cannot relocate, travel, or even afford a computer, should not be writing books!
I see constant despair, resignation, and inability to change one's future grind into the souls of these people. To be young with a steady income doesn't always help, but at least there is mobility.
When one is elderly, in poor health, in "closed" communities of which Judy Eggart writes in her comment, there is nothing "revitalizing" occurring here. There is anger, and a feeling of betrayal.
There are people who through no fault of their own find themselves isolated without recourse. Where's the authoring of that reality?

Posted by J Kaiser on February 21,2012 | 07:17 PM

I'm in my late 40s and married, but my husband and I (a 20+ year relationship) live in separate apartments in the same apartment building. We are child-free by choice and live frugally on moderate incomes. We live in a major city and have extremely active social lives. We generally get two distinct reactions when sharing our story with people...

- Some think our marriage must be deeply flawed. "Are they both closeted homosexuals? ...in an open marriage? ...have some sort of agreement of convenience?" No, no and no.

- Others think we have the ultimate marriage. They say things like "I'd love to live apart from my spouse! I don't want to divorce them, I just don't want to see them 24/7!"

I think I'm just living a lifestyle that is decades ahead of its time. I cherish my husband, but I cherish living solo just as much.

Posted by happily married but living solo on February 14,2012 | 07:15 PM

I am 70 and began living alone for the first time in my life eight years ago after a divorce. I was scared, felt a little lost and rejected the offers of well-meaning friends to fix me up with someone. I didn't then or now want to be romantically involved with anyone, but I did want to learn how to live alone with resourcefulness and purpose.

Even as I treasure the time I spend with my children and grandchildren, I came to see that I needed to start building my own new life. I still work as a freelance writer at home, but have enough flexible time for friends and exploring new hobbies. Who knew the trials of growing grass could be so challenging, as well as new-found friends at the County Extension Agency so informative and helpful?

I still haven't mastered eating out alone, and going to parties alone sometimes takes courage. I have, however, conquered the dreaded, most lonely time between 5:30 -7:00 p.m. by plugging into a long-time hobby of cooking that has resulted in trying new recipes most evenings.

I look at people living alone differently now. Before, I assumed "alone" meant "lonely" and I never saw it as a choice, but more as something life had forced on them. Now, after eight years of living alone with just my dog, I realize that I wouldn't want it any other way.

Posted by Marilyn Allen on February 13,2012 | 04:06 PM

All so great many comments and an article that has finally come to talk about the single life today. I too had been married two times before, ten years single in between each and now married a third time. As I aged and matured it came to me that life is what it is at the moment. A lot of it has to do with what you do and a lot doesn't matter. I felt I was going nowhere before this third marriage. I quickly grew tired and bored with my routines. In the grand scheme of things, whatever that is, it really didn't seem to matter anymore. I grabbed at anything that came along and gained my interest, until it got boring. Then, a friend, a co-worker introduced me to a girl, a woman, who I now believe is my true soul mate. She is not jealous and has a life of her own. We each can do what we want and we don't let it bother us if one of us says 'no' I don't care too'. It feels great to be appreciated. It feels great to love someone again. I feel I have purpose again. Signed, no longer single and loving it, finally.

Posted by Paul on February 12,2012 | 04:13 AM

An ideology of intimacy prevades American culture; we presume that happiness is ultimately linked with coupledom. It is a "Noah's Arch Syndrom" whereby you are only "complete" if you arrive two-by-two. If you are ever-single you have to give an account for your relationship status--but interestingly you are not asked for an account if you are divorced. I am always asked, "Why didn't you marry?" But when do we ask, "Why did you marry?" Or, "Why did you have kids?"

I have taught a university course on Restorative Solitude for the past 8 years. ( feel free to see course syllabus/resources on the website: "solitudecourse.com")and I provide workshops to faculty inorder to counter some of the coupledom bias in our academic study of relationships. Granted a few serious scholars look at singlehood, not as a default status, but as a status unto itself. But the overwhelming bias in research is on marriage and coupledom. We see this bias in my own discipline, Communication Studies--where the question of solitude and solo life is rarely discussed, or it is frequently conflated with loneliness, anomie, and suicidal tendencies.

I am thrilled that Going Solo is affirming the status of singletons---now, maybe we won't have to give accounts for being spousefree and childfree. Enjoy, Mara Adelman

Posted by Mara Adelman on February 11,2012 | 08:40 PM

My four siblings and I grew up as part of a "normal" family, and we all did the marriage thing, raised our kids, etc. Now in our 60s, four of us are living alone, each to his own place in different areas of the country, and have been doing so for many years now. We all seem to be quite gregarious and do well with work and social activity. It is no accident for us, we prefer to live alone, and made (and make) deliberate decisions to be that way. It is a way of life we choose for ourselves, and we talk about it regularly amongst ourselves. Oh, and we find there are quite a large number of others just like us out there.

Posted by Scott Smith on February 8,2012 | 10:10 AM

Those of us in both rural and semi-rural environments living singly are less of a "rare phenomena" than Eric Klinenberg supposes. I expect that there will be many thoughts published on the topic with our baby boomer generation aging it would seem perhaps that the population of those living singly may rise regardless of location.

Posted by Stella Sturm on January 31,2012 | 02:06 PM

I am a woman over 50 and have lived alone most of my adult life. In fact, the few times when I was sharing a residence I was most unhappy. Flatmates/boyfriends took advantage. I feel more secure alone. I have worked all my life and own my own home. I admit some of the new communications technology is beyond me, but am quite comfortable knowing I can call friends if I feel the need. I didn't plan my life this way, I just never fell in love. I am enjoying what I have. I have travelled the world and even lived on 3 continents. My married co-workers say they are jealous. I have done things they never dreamed of. I say, 'You never know what life will bring. Make the most of it.'

Posted by Kimberly Craig on January 29,2012 | 05:11 PM

I am 64 and never married. As another posted said, this wasn't what I envisioned as a young adult, but it is what evolved. At some point in time, I decided I could buy into the argument that a single woman "of a certain age" was undoubtedly lonely or I could embrace my singlehood and enjoy my life. I chose the latter. I own my own home and relish listening to the refrigerator cycle off and on. (I never have to compromise on the level of noise between these four walls!) I love to travel with group tours as a singleton. I have a large circle of friends and get along with my neighbors. I definitely do not feel that living alone dooms one to unhappiness, but there IS a responsibility to get out and do things. It also means that one has to assume responsibility for things like finding repairmen and such, but as a friend said "You have the most complete Rolodex I have ever seen." Living alone definitely does not equate to loneliness!

Posted by Sheila Sweeny on January 29,2012 | 03:20 PM

Begging to differ with your statement that until about 1950 there was no society that supported large number of people living alone. I'm 72, born in 1940, raised in a Brooklyn brownstone tenament where my mother and grandmother were landladies for the rooms and one room apartments we offered for rent. The one-room apartments were filled with single mothers and their only child. The small rooms (only a bed and dresser) were always filled with single and lonely old men. Today, I am living alone and isolated unless you want to count my dog. I am not anti-social but my politics isolate me in a community and state where anything left of dark red is an outcast and a target. While I'm not ecstatically happy (because I hunger for rational and intelligent conversation) I am content. My writing, the internet and my dog fill my life. Of course, writing -- as you probably know -- is an isolating career and avocation. So everything fits together nicely. Sincerely, Ed Tomchin Golden Valley, AZ

Posted by Edward Tomchin on January 29,2012 | 03:18 PM

First and foremost - THANK YOU FOR THIS ARTICLE! I have lived alone since I left my "family unit" growing up. There are a number of reasons for this that I will not go into. Mr. Klinenberg has reaffirmed what I've known nearly my entire life. His article reassures me that I am not alone in this lifestyle, which is somewhat comforting, albeit, I've always been okay with living alone (baring social pressures that oppose my lifestyle). So many of the themes he expounds on ring absolutely true for me! I am extremely social, I have many friends and much beloved relatives who are probably more a part of my life than they are of one another's. Being alone has allowed me to become expert in a number of fields that have made my life feel full of accomplishment, that may not have happened if I'd been married with a family. I have worked with children and young adults most of my life, and find great satisfaction in that. Also there is the influence and interaction with the children of my friends and family! I don't come home from work, exhausted, pop open a beer and plant myself in front of the TV. Actually, I haven't watched TV in over 13 years - there are so many other responsible activities that I involve myself in as a result. I'm 66 and happy! One other observation - I've seen so much more isolationism among my non-single friends and relatives, who seem to exist apart from the greater whole within their own sheltered spheres. This is not a slam; merely an observation. A question in regards to Jill Mack's note equating Sweden's high rate of singles & highest rate of suicides - how many of the suicides are singles? My guess would be not many.

Posted by David on January 29,2012 | 12:48 PM

Hi, I was married at 19, for 14 years, and have been divorced for 32 years...and living truly alone (after my two sons left) for the last 21 years. I rarely feel lonely, love my freedom, continue to have a very nice life, but still think if I met the right man I would embrace that as well.

Posted by Jean R. on January 29,2012 | 10:30 AM

I love living alone but do get extremely lonely. In a small town there are few activities for singles. I have single neighbors all around me, but we just say "hi" when passinng in the hall, nothing social. I have few friends because I am a sculptor and have always worked alone, so I have not really met many people.

I don't CHOOSE to be lonely. I have little family left in the area, so I don't have a family life. And I am terribly shy so I can't go bouncing into some group. How you can say single people are more social is unbelievable to me!! But then you ARE married with children and you live in a big city, so I feel you are really out of touch with my situation.

But I'm glad you're writing about living alone. There used to be some stigma to it, but I am totallly spoiled and will never marry again. JUST PLEASE send some of your social friends this way!

Posted by Judy Eggart on January 28,2012 | 12:49 AM

Very interesting research and article, and it would be great if a good proofreader could check it … it's loaded with words out-of-order or missing.

Posted by Gwen Lindgren on January 28,2012 | 07:19 AM

He's right; the change in women's ability to make life choices and support themselves has made all the difference in the growth of this phenomenon. And perhaps the Scandinavian countries are ahead on single living because they are far ahead in treating women equally. I know Finland even offers universal affordable state-supported child care for every mother.

I'm a formerly married woman who's been living alone for more than 25 years since my divorce. I grew up in the times when in the United States a woman had only the choice of becoming a secretary, a teacher or a nurse. I've lived through all the changes. And I agree that widespread access to the Internet has also been a huge factor in empowering people--especially women--to be and do in ways simply not possible in the past.

I was a single mother for nearly 15 years. My daughter is now the single-mother-by-choice of a beautiful granddaughter. Forty-one percent of children in the US are born to single mothers--and these are mainly mature women who've made a conscious choice, rather than teenagers who got trapped.

My daughter and I co-founded a group in 2007 that celebrates women living alone--the passions, joys and challenges--SWWAN (Single Working Women's Affiliate Network). It made sense because we realized this status deserves recognition and celebration as much as that of marriage. I'm happy to hear of books like this one that give academic and statistical support to what we have long known. Thanks for the review.

Posted by Barbara Payne on January 27,2012 | 03:13 PM

I am single and happy with my life the way it is, I learned that I could be single and happy from an aunt of mine, she never married and had a fulfilling life, she was a role model for me on how to plan for the time when you get older as a single person, what I should do when the time comes.

Posted by Katherine on January 25,2012 | 02:14 AM

I am 72 and feel like I'm 55. I am three times divorced. I easily see the advantages of living alone (can drink directly from the milk carton) but have to admit I feel a little lost. People like myself have never been alone and some of us have mislaid the instruction booklet for living alone. I too will not be looking for another marriage. I am open to a relationship but am no longer looking for love. I'll settle for "likes a lot".

Posted by Jim Abbott on January 24,2012 | 10:35 PM

I am a singleton that can really relate to the aspect of Klineberg's article about social involvement. It seems very difficult somethimes, to get my married friends to socialize, separately or together, as opposed to my single friends, who seem up for more outings. I can also relate to the blessed quiet and calmness of my space as a retreat, even thought I see clients in my home.

I think perhaps that our society is at a place where negative population growth may be a good idea, at least for a while, and so the benefits of a higher percetage of singletons outweighs "too many people for the space." It was true in the past, perhaps, that we needed to be partnered up and reproducing, and therefore it was "healthier," as in, more approved by the culture. Now, maybe not so much.

Posted by Barbara on January 24,2012 | 04:31 PM

I agree that there is a certain allure to living alone and being more social. I am in the midst of a divorce after a 10 year marriage that produced one wonderful daughter and I am positively looking forward to being single. I am already making plans to become active in causes dear to my heart and am looking forward to establishing a routine that allows me some freedom of expression. Oftentimes we become so wrapped up in being a "couple" that inertia can set in especially if the individuals do come to appreciate the same things in life and priorities shift as they often do. It is the evolution of the mind and soul that may drive SOME to need to be single. Not because they need to "find themselves" but precisely BECAUSE they found themselves and realized the other person did not fit the equation. Conversely, you can go from being happily single to finding the fit to your equation and becoming a happy collaborator in a unit. Either way, it's a simple task of realizing who you are and being honest with yourself. It's not about being selfish, it's about being honest and realizing your true potential with or without someone else tied at your hip. No shame in that. FYI: I am only 40 years old and am NOT in any frame of mind to ever consider another union.

Posted by Erika on January 24,2012 | 01:47 PM

I am curious about the research.
I wonder how 'living alone' is being measured. In college, my boyfriend and I both had our own apartments (living alone), yet 90% of the time we were sleeping together in one place or the other.

Also where is that data coming from? Can the income tax designation of "Single/Head of Household" apply to BOTH single moms who are sharing an address without a romantic relationship? Does anyone know if data collection is expained in the book?

Posted by Lydia Lansing on January 23,2012 | 06:12 PM

It should also be noted that the countries with more people living alone are also the ones with negative population growth.

Posted by Grant K on January 23,2012 | 03:03 AM

Jill mack, You might want to get your facts straight before posting next time.

http://homepage.mac.com/jrc/contrib/sweden_suicide.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_suicide_rate

Posted by epistememe on January 22,2012 | 10:17 PM

@jill mack

Care to back up that stat? According to the WHO Sweden and Norway are #31 and #35 respectively, passed by a wide range of countries such as South Korea, Japan, China, France, Poland, and South Africa.

Here is the source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_rate

I suggest fact-checking yourself before trying to make such a bold causal claim.

Posted by George Wilson on January 22,2012 | 08:43 PM

Both of my grandmothers were widowed when they were in their mid-40s. Neither remarried.

One lived until age 60, when she died of a recurrence of breast cancer (that she'd been treated for before being widowed).

The other lived until age 89.

Both lived alone the entire time they were widows, never ever considered remarrying. They had full, enriched lives, filled with children, grandchildren, friends and some travel. Neither were wealthy. They lived on less than today's equivalent of $1000 per month (but their homes were paid for when they were widowed).

I'm a bit past 45 and still happily single. I didn't plan it but I have no regrets. My grandmothers were wonderful role models. I joke with my niece and nephews (and 2nd cousins) that they need to plan to care for me in my dotage.

I looking forward to reading Eric's book.

Posted by Sheree on January 22,2012 | 06:36 PM

I'm a Singleton and I'm not lonely. A person has to choose to be lonely.

Posted by Lynda Jo Shugars on January 22,2012 | 09:12 AM

Sweden does not have the highest rate of suicide, not even close. This, and many other myths about the consequences of widespread solo living, are debunked in this book. According to the most recent WHO statistics, which Klinenberg cites, the Swedish suicide rate is 26 per 100,000 residents, placing it far below the top twenty-five high risk nations. Nations with higher reported rates include Austria, China, France, Japan, South Korea, and Uruguay. The real psychological question is why myths about the dangers of living alone like the one above are so common.

Posted by C Grey on January 21,2012 | 06:17 PM

The need for more quality and affordable housing for the aged should be given more priority. Emphasis on quality. Many seniors currently living in buildings that need renovation.

Posted by Thomas Bland on January 20,2012 | 10:05 AM

I wonder what the author has to say about a combination of two stats on Sweden: the country has one of the highest rates of people living alone; it also has the highest rate of suicide. What does this say about the psyche of the Swedish people?

Posted by jill mack on January 19,2012 | 01:21 AM

As a widow I lived alone after the kids flew the coop. It was not bad at all since I had friendly ,helpful neighbors. I always said when you live alone you don't have to say excuse me when you burp, or.....And you don't ever have to close the bathroom door. And you can eat meals whenever you wish....don't have to time them to someone else's needs. Now I live independently in an apartment in a retirement community with all the advantages enumerated above, except when I eat dinner in the common dining room it is too early for my taste. I am alone, but never lonely !

Posted by Mary McGinnis on January 19,2012 | 06:57 PM



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