Domestic Bliss
The Kama Sutra of Housework
- By David Martin
- Smithsonian.com, December 01, 2007, Subscribe
Men are beginning to understand that doing housework...unprompted goes a long way to creating marital happiness....Intimacy is not just for the bedroom, in other words. Foreplay can begin with a dish towel. —The Toronto Globe and Mail
Thus follows the Kama Sutra of Domestic Love:
On the Use of Outside Help
In an effort to enhance domestic congress, some couples may seek the services of one professionally trained in the art. However, this is seldom as satisfying as when the man performs the task alone. But in the interest of matrimonial harmony, if both the man and the woman work outside the home, it is acceptable to engage a cleaning person once every two weeks.
The Washing of Dishes
The woman submerges her dishes in warm, soapy water, rinses them in clear water and passes them to the man. The man employs a slow, clockwise motion to dry them thoroughly with a dish towel. After about 20 minutes, the solicitous partner will switch roles for variety.
On Doing Laundry
The man is often too hurried and wishes to place the clothes immediately in the washing machine. He must learn patience and be guided by the woman, who will teach him the art of sorting and, in time, even to pre-soak. The slow, deliberate dividing of clothing into piles of whites, lights and colors will lighten the loads and heighten the pleasure.
The Art of the Dryer
Once the man has mastered the washing routine, he can be introduced to the dryer. Again, he must act against his nature and learn patience before inserting damp garments into the cylinder. Although all items can be placed into the dryer, he must learn to withhold some of them. What could be a most pleasurable cycle can end in anger and disappointment for the woman if a delicate undergarment is shredded or blue jeans are shrunk.
On Extracting Dirt from the Carpet
This is an uncommon task for a man. Before he can perform the act he must first be alerted to the existence of dirt in the carpet. Once introduced to the vacuum cleaner, its mechanical nature may overexcite him and cause him to proceed with inappropriate haste. The woman must also ensure that he is schooled in which attachment to use for each task.
The Cleaning of the Bathroom
Most men are unfamiliar with this delicate maneuver and may initially resist. A woman should not expect too much at first, taking initial satisfaction from the man's cursory sponging of the sink and tub before he advances to the washing of the floor and the polishing of taps. Be aware that he will not readily clean the bowl. But if a wise woman knows how to reward her mate, she may never have to use a toilet brush again.
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Comments (2)
Kama Sutra of Housework got me to laughing and remembering what my father told me on my wedding day. "Son, when you work with your hands they become very rough, women don't like to have rough hands placed on their breast or thighs when making love. I suggest to remedy that situation, get in the habit of washing dishes. Not only will your wife love you for doing the dishes, but will appreciate your soft but strong hands. Besides son, no man has ever been shot by his wife while doing the dishes." Thanks dad, so far so good.
Posted by roger paul on January 26,2008 | 06:13 PM
I was chuckling next to my sleeping husband when I read this article in the magazine last night. I Googled the title and author name, and will happily forward to some friends and family for their reading pleasure.
Posted by SammySushi on November 29,2007 | 10:17 AM
My Smithsonian Magazine is the one I wait for and truly read, cover to cover. The first thing I do is turn to THE LAST PAGE. I am still laughing over the Kama Sutra of Housework and I'm forwarding it to several friends! THANKS!!
Posted by JoAnne Conley on November 26,2007 | 06:59 PM