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Domestic Bliss

The Kama Sutra of Housework

• By David Martin
• Smithsonian.com, December 01, 2007

Men are beginning to understand that doing housework...unprompted goes a long way to creating marital happiness....Intimacy is not just for the bedroom, in other words. Foreplay can begin with a dish towel. —The Toronto Globe and Mail

Thus follows the Kama Sutra of Domestic Love:

On the Use of Outside Help
In an effort to enhance domestic congress, some couples may seek the services of one professionally trained in the art. However, this is seldom as satisfying as when the man performs the task alone. But in the interest of matrimonial harmony, if both the man and the woman work outside the home, it is acceptable to engage a cleaning person once every two weeks.

The Washing of Dishes
The woman submerges her dishes in warm, soapy water, rinses them in clear water and passes them to the man. The man employs a slow, clockwise motion to dry them thoroughly with a dish towel. After about 20 minutes, the solicitous partner will switch roles for variety.

On Doing Laundry
The man is often too hurried and wishes to place the clothes immediately in the washing machine. He must learn patience and be guided by the woman, who will teach him the art of sorting and, in time, even to pre-soak. The slow, deliberate dividing of clothing into piles of whites, lights and colors will lighten the loads and heighten the pleasure.

The Art of the Dryer
Once the man has mastered the washing routine, he can be introduced to the dryer. Again, he must act against his nature and learn patience before inserting damp garments into the cylinder. Although all items can be placed into the dryer, he must learn to withhold some of them. What could be a most pleasurable cycle can end in anger and disappointment for the woman if a delicate undergarment is shredded or blue jeans are shrunk.

On Extracting Dirt from the Carpet
This is an uncommon task for a man. Before he can perform the act he must first be alerted to the existence of dirt in the carpet. Once introduced to the vacuum cleaner, its mechanical nature may overexcite him and cause him to proceed with inappropriate haste. The woman must also ensure that he is schooled in which attachment to use for each task.

The Cleaning of the Bathroom
Most men are unfamiliar with this delicate maneuver and may initially resist. A woman should not expect too much at first, taking initial satisfaction from the man's cursory sponging of the sink and tub before he advances to the washing of the floor and the polishing of taps. Be aware that he will not readily clean the bowl. But if a wise woman knows how to reward her mate, she may never have to use a toilet brush again.

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