Interview: Eric G. Wilson
Why the pursuit of happiness naturally includes melancholy
- Smithsonian.com, June 05, 2008, Subscribe
(Page 2 of 2)
Some of your melancholics really suffered for their work. Where do you draw the line between pain that should be suffered through and pain that deserves treatment?
I don't feel qualified to do that. I can say this though. I can distinguish it in myself. I know when I feel depressed. I don't want to get out of bed in the morning. I don't want to do anything. I just want to stay in this dark, safe womb. But when I feel sad, I want to do something. I want to play with my daughter and have a richer relationship with her. I want to be with my wife. I want to read. I want to write.
How do you suggest we reverse this trend of dealing with sadness as a sickness?
Slow down. I really think that American culture especially moves at a blinding rate. I think if we can find a way to carve out of any given day a time for quiet, for contemplation, for brooding, for solitude, when we turn the computer or cell phone off, then we might go within. Who knows, maybe we'd realize the value of that and the value of the brooding dark side. If that could happen, maybe we would be more willing to embrace natural sadness.
Do you think you'll forever be known as a grump?
Frankly, I worry about that. My colleagues called me the Melancholy Dane the other day, comparing me to Hamlet. I think I'm a cynical person. In my mind a cynic is someone who is suspicious, a little willing to question what most people believe. In questioning things, often I do find that there's a big gap between reality and appearance. I'm really trying to explore what a rich, deep, profound life would be, and, for me, to go through life expecting and wanting only happiness is not the way to achieve that. To me, cynicism falls in between optimism and pessimism. It's a golden mean.
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Comments (17)
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Melancholy can no doubt be an enlightening and purifying experience when one fully allows it. However, the danger comes when one gets so used and attached to it, that it becomes a self-identity.
Posted by on October 5,2012 | 04:45 AM
Thank you, thank you. Two and a half years ago I returned from ten years abroad. I could not understand what was going on here. I would call a professional office and end up wanting to shake the receptionist whose "happy" voice was assailing my ear. I would be told to "have a good day" every time I turned around. I felt as if I had dropped through Alice's hole into some sort of altered world. I am used to it now, and I still relish the encounters that are simple and honest and not blurred by the need to encourage each other to happiness. I prefer people to be present, happy or not. Then we can really talk.
Posted by Patsy Cushing on October 3,2012 | 06:15 PM
Mother Theresa spent 40 years in darkness; she became the world's greatest role model. 'Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -- over and over announcing your place in the family of things.'- Mary Oliver –
Posted by denis khan on October 3,2012 | 02:46 PM
So true, as Kahlil so eloquently expresses...thank for the thought-provoking piece, and more...permission to feel and be with our melancholy...
Posted by Frank on October 3,2012 | 01:35 PM
Wow! Melancolic or just plain arrogant?
Posted by Ann on October 3,2012 | 09:54 AM
According to "THE STORY OF STUFF" American's have been in a "happy' decline since the 50s. I am wondering, given the context of beliefs listed, if this is the declined figure or if it is a measure based on who was polled. Seems that to allow us to become fully loving cretures we have to be brave enough to deal with pain that comes as a result of loving that BIG. Somewhere along the way we traded out BIG LOVE for security and the safety of roles. With that came a focus on material wealth and power-probably as a way to protect the kidsand display a safer kind of unconditional love- as parental contract has the let go clause. Distractions getting the big dollars also makes sense in this window, keep it shallow, fast and "happy. "Thank you for pointing to this side of the emotional range with respect. It really is part of the unfolding process that will allow us to set por potential beings free.
Posted by deborah on October 3,2012 | 09:34 AM
Yes, I was always reading self-help books all my life and thinking, to be all positive all time. Now after a personal sadness moment (which lasted a year) now I realize sadness and pain can halp you appreciate life a more that I ever thought possible. It has made me more kind, more simple and more human. Thank You so much for the Article Sir.
Posted by Arun Solochin (chikkop) on October 3,2012 | 09:10 AM
....brilliant, soothing, comforting and joyful. Yes, you expressed something I have felt for many, many years. I LOVE life but need to have the richness of melancholy....remembering parents that have died, a sister, and a son at the age of four. If I didn't allow myself to touch those memories, I could not feel the joy in comforting others. Thanks so much for a wonderful article!!
Posted by Dot Hanlon on May 15,2011 | 10:48 AM
I am 40 years old and my whole world just collapsed. It's in my melancholy that I find comfort.I woke up one day and thought " who decided we need to find a way to be happy" sure there is a collective subconscious and somehow we obey to whatever populations over generations have decided. but hey I just want to be I don't want to search. Life always goes on. Plans get realized. What we omit to include in our plans are feelings, and those are simple results of every interaction. Then I searched for melancholy and I found this site and I want to say "I love you Eric"
Posted by nadia el bousserghini on April 30,2009 | 10:52 AM
I regret that Wilson, whose work is a tonic to feel-goodism, has embraced the vocabulary and practice of "cynicism" (and re-defined it to his purposes) rather than seek better words. Among certain parties, cynicism (as the term is traditionally defined rather than re-tooled for a meloncholic's apologia) is a bitterness that denotes the failure of their romantic. often youthful, dreams of facile happiness. Cynicism may be more realistic than Pollyanna-ism, but it too stands in the way of complex, or "duplicitous," thought. In the hands of the glib or unintelligent, cynicism quickly devolves into mere snark--again, a barrier to any sort of serious life of the mind, whether interior or communal. I am a melancholic and introvert, too readily pessimistic for my own comfort and intellectual good. My own proclivities are toward cynicism, but I resist, since being cynical only proves what a little sweetheart I was before the big bad world broke my darlin' heart. Otherwise, Wilson seems on target.
Posted by Jim Saunders on January 7,2009 | 11:50 AM
Thank you.
Posted by Renee on October 14,2008 | 09:02 PM
I was delighted to read Prof Wilson's comments on cynicism. Years ago I was reprimanded by my philosoaphy lecturer for being cynical - unkind, I thought at the time. The comment has stayed with me all these years as something I wish I could have argued against. With cynicism described here as a 'golden mean' between optimism and pessimism, I feel vindicated.
Posted by florence cornwall on June 25,2008 | 05:01 AM
He's right. I only wrote for myself, but have somehow outgrown melancholy and barely write at all anymore. However, melancholy was extremely painful for me, so maybe its for the best. It's not like anyone will read my work, at least not until I'm dead.
Posted by margaret johnson on June 23,2008 | 09:35 AM
Pursuit of happiness, as Mr. Wilson defines, in modern America places the goal as the opposite of un-happiness, or lack of happiness. This polarization of mental and emotional state itself contains the trap of relying too much on the left hemisphere of the brain. I believe the melancholy the author recommends is the holistic approach that transcends and be inclusive at the same time of both sides of the same coin. I appreciate his differentiation of melancholy and depression as much as the value of staying sad for a while when you are aware of it. The awareness of your mental and emotional stage is the key for liberation from the extreme ups and downs. I welcome this discussion as a step toward a deeper and more authentic practice for us human beings to evolve into an enlightened species. Akira Odani
Posted by akira odani on June 20,2008 | 09:46 AM
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