A dozen roses from a suitor may be flattering, but they can't compare to the tacit admission that we are in the same league. Illustration by Eric Palma
Some say that competition between spouses is like dragging a fork across a balloon. Before long, the whole thing explodes. But for me, gaining a lifelong, live-in opponent was the icing on the wedding cake.
Like most people, when it came to finding a soul mate, I searched for that elusive combination of spontaneous romance and day-to-day compatibility. But I was also looking for someone who would challenge me. Having played sports since the peewee level, I’ve always had a competitive streak. The way I see it, when someone competes with me, they’re saying, “I consider you a worthy match” in wit, sport or whatever the contest. A dozen roses from a suitor may be flattering, but they can’t compare to the tacit admission that we are in the same league.
So, when I met my future husband, he had me at “I bet you.” I was a member of my college track team, and his chosen flirtation was challenging me to four laps. We graduated, went on to pursue careers thousands of miles apart, but soon enough we reunited in the same city and reverted to our sporting ways. He and I ran a marathon. We biked 471 miles across the state of Iowa. And when all signs were pointing to our riding off into the sunset together, we were in full agreement that it wouldn’t be on a bicycle built for two.
That spirit saw us through the torturous process of planning the wedding—where disagreements over china patterns and seating charts have ended more than a few engagements. Our least favorite task was deciding on the invitation. Elbow deep in the stationery store’s binders, we declared a contest: “First one to find the perfect invitation wins.” (I’ve since learned that if there is something I’d like my husband to do, I just bet him that he can’t. It works like a charm.)
Mind you, our rivalry is playful. We compare Scrabble scores, not salaries. When “Jeopardy!” is on, we throw answers out like darts. For the Oscars, we fill out ballots, and come March, it’s college basketball brackets. The stakes? Usually, loser cooks dinner.
In contests that would normally require a judge’s ruling, we trust each other enough to make the right call. Once, during a commercial break for “Top Chef,” we staged a Quickfire Challenge. Using any ingredients in our closet-size kitchen, we each had to produce a dessert. For a brief and desperate moment, my husband declared his presentation was superior. He ultimately conceded—not in bitterness but in fair play. It was clear to both of us that my warm peach and cream cheese blintz trounced his deconstructed yogurt parfait.
All the while, I think back to our marriage vows. Before our family and friends, we promised to honor each other in good times and bad, in joy and sorrow and in sickness and health.
The way that last vow echoed in the church, though, I could have sworn I heard “in quickness and in stealth.”
Megan Gambino is an editorial assistant at Smithsonian.
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Comments (5)
I think what the article talks about is just what relationships are all about. Of course flowers and chocolate and her throwing you a surprise birthday party hel a lot but in my opinion it's not what marriage is all about. True happiness in my experience is in the little things, like accepting that she has to watch her soap opera, making the best out of a soccer match for BOTH, really enjoying time with each other's families, etc. Competition helps make all these events a little more fun. A marriage is about the little things, the day to day.
Posted by Ivan on July 18,2011 | 11:35 AM
The article seems to be very honorable sample of different kinds of love and how cleverly the writer dont make any problem about both desires, and find a confortable solution for their prototype of living their lives.
I like very much, and i hope you sentimental life will continue as well as it is now, luck!
Posted by Carolina on July 10,2011 | 10:34 PM
I loved the article though I don't have one competitive bone in my body. I love smart girls who do compete so I'm giving you a winning recipe. Easy, good, quick and sure to win for you.
Peach Dumplings
Peel two ripe peaches and quarter. Unroll one can of original Crescent Rolls and pull apart. Roll each peach quarter in a roll starting at the wide side. Place in baking dish. Heat to bubbling: 1 cup water, 1 cup sugar, 1 stick butter and 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon. (Watch it - it will boil over!) Pour over rolls and bake uncovered for about 15 minutes or until brown in a 350 degree oven.
Good luck with your marriage. We'll celebrate our 56th in a few weeks. lib
Posted by Mrs. Grant Queen on June 9,2011 | 12:29 PM
I'm a bit late in reading the article but had saved it and so glad I did - it was great!
Steve and I bet all the time (never paying a sum of money), but I like your idea much better (cooking dinner)!!
Posted by Maggie Jackson on June 2,2011 | 01:24 PM
enjoyed the editorial. I'm a friend of Karen Reese=going out to lunch with her this pm. This is much better than the Arnold S we hear about on TV. vicki
Posted by vicki Schmahl on May 18,2011 | 08:40 AM