Green Eggs and Salmonella?
Beware the hidden hazards lurking within popular children's books
- By Abigail Green
- Smithsonian magazine, June 2010, Subscribe
These stories are suffused with the same purity that makes children appear so marvelous and blessed,” wrote Wilhelm Grimm in the preface to his volume of fairy tales. If true, then life in the 19th century was worse than I’d ever imagined. Reading these stories today is like sitting through a Quentin Tarantino movie. Have you ever added up the body count? One poor girl is transformed into a block of wood and thrown into a fire. A father risks his daughter’s life by boasting she can weave straw into gold. An evil queen tries to off her stepdaughter with a poisoned apple.
I used to think we lived in more enlightened times. But as the mother of two young boys—and a nightly reader of bedtime stories—I’ve come to realize that many popular children’s books are rife with malice and mayhem. Do you have any idea of the dangers that may lurk on your little ones’ bookshelves?
Let’s start with Goodnight Moon. Margaret Wise Brown’s beloved bedtime tale is a veritable hotbed of child safety hazards. First of all, the child’s—excuse me, bunny’s—great green bedroom contains an open fireplace filled with dangerous tools like tongs and pokers. The bed has no side rails. And what about the grandmother—a careless caretaker if I ever saw one. Why, she leaves knitting needles unattended in a child’s bedroom!
It’s bad enough that in Robert McCloskey’s award-winning Blueberries for Sal, the child eats unwashed produce. I shudder to think of her pesticide intake. But far more alarming is the mother’s negligence in leaving the girl unattended on a hillside populated by bears. Little Sal and Little Bear get distracted and inadvertently follow each other’s mothers. The mix-up is discovered, no harm is done and each party goes on its merry way. But the tale easily could have had a much different ending.
In McCloskey’s Make Way for Ducklings, it’s the father who neglects his family. Mr. Mallard leaves his poor wife to fend for herself with eight baby ducklings—in traffic-ridden downtown Boston, no less—while he takes off to explore the Charles River. Who knew that ducks could be deadbeat dads?
Speaking of inattentive parents, the Good Dog, Carl series by Alexandra Day depicts a Rott-weiler caring for a baby while his mother runs errands. On Carl’s watch, the baby rides on his back, swims in a fish tank and slides down a laundry chute. A Rott-weiler as baby sitter? I won’t even hire a human sitter unless she knows CPR and passes a background check!
Canines also romp through P. D. Eastman’s Go, Dog. Go! At first glance, the book is a whimsical tale featuring dogs on roller skates and bicycles and skis. But when the dogs get into cars, there’s not a seat belt in sight. Then the dogs all drive in separate vehicles to a big dog party in a tree. Have they never heard of carpooling? Even dogs need to consider their carbon pawprint.
In Dr. Seuss’ Green Eggs and Ham, health concerns abound. Sam-I-am pushes discolored pork products on the protagonist, encouraging him to eat them with a mouse and a goat. There’s no hand sanitizer in sight; I guess salmonella and swine flu are on the menu as well.
Even a picture book about cute bugs reveals insidious undertones. Eric Carle’s Very Hungry Caterpillar binges on junk food, then starves himself to turn into a beautiful butterfly. As if our kids don’t already have enough problems with body image.
Safety hazards, parental negligence, eating disorders...It almost makes me nostalgic for the attempted cannibalism in Hansel and Gretel.
Abigail Green is a freelance writer and blogger who lives in Baltimore, Maryland.
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Comments (57)
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I've never really thought of it that way now ill make sure to read my sister safe books :)
Posted by Marla on December 1,2012 | 12:51 PM
by reading the article, yes agree in some part. I have read may children many books and yes, I found myself in a situation that I have to respond to me children some questions like why they are doing that in the story or maybe they got scared of what they read. Yes, i think some authors should be very careful of what they write for children.
Posted by felicita zapatel on March 2,2012 | 10:17 PM
at first I thought this article was real! If MsHreen actually thinks this about childrens books she needs to lighten up but otherwise it gave me a good laugh. Also just a fact for you it wouldn't have mattered if there was hand sanitizer in green eggs in ham IT DOSN"T WORK!
Funny article though.
Posted by Gen on December 29,2010 | 09:34 PM
Obviously satire? Yes.
Funny? No.
Posted by Kett on December 25,2010 | 08:46 AM
I know all these books, reading them umpteen times to my three children and this article made me laugh out loud! Thank you for a completely hilarious, satirical take on all those classics. Well done!
Posted by Tayana Kessler on December 15,2010 | 03:15 AM
Really?...C'mon...Its kids books for kids. They dont think about the details they just wanna laugh and hear a good story to there young mindes.They have there whole life to worrie about sanitasion and health issues, thats what mom is for. Let the kids hear these books theres absolutly nothing wrong with them.
Posted by Kyle on November 28,2010 | 03:31 PM
Uh-mazing! Thanks so much for the incredible chuckle!
Posted by Viv on September 20,2010 | 11:48 AM
Count me as one a reader who laughed her way through the entire thing and knew from the first joke that it was satire. FanTAStic satire, especially in the world we live where the topic brushed up against so many current issues.
Maybe I found it so funny because I've read those very books to my kids a million times. (I admit to thinking Carl is the worst babysitter EVER . . .)
Well done!
Posted by Annette on September 18,2010 | 10:58 AM
LOVED this essay! Laughed out LOUD. Every bit as true now as it was when I read these stories to my now 19 year old!
Posted by Barbara L. on September 8,2010 | 01:42 AM
Lady, you're ravin, absolutely insane lol. So what? -you mean you didn't read children stories when you were a little girl?
Dang, you Americans really amaze me with your pseudo- values. Next time, try and stop your 7-year-old form listening to news. Oh, sorry, they have to grow up.
Sheesh. Get a life.
Posted by Elusiv3 on August 20,2010 | 03:51 PM
The intent may have been humorous, but there is also truth in what is said. Check out the analysis of Goodnight Moon in Have a Carrot: Oedipal Theory and Symbolism in Margaret Wise Brown's Runaway Bunny Trilogy. https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/21324
Posted by Claudia on August 14,2010 | 09:09 AM
To everyone saying this is humor: isn't humor supposed to be funny?
Posted by Peter M. on July 29,2010 | 10:20 AM
I've been receiving Smithsonian for many years and this is actually the first time I've ever made a comment about an article. So, in this sense, Ms. Green did an excellent job in getting people to think about this topic-censorship. The first thing that came to mind was the 80's movie, "Footloose", in where they burned books from the school library and censored the teens music. My first thought was, this has got to be satire. I plowed through to the end, feeling humored and horrified at the same time. Then, the big wrap up just didn't happen. You know, the one where she intimates that she is making a point about how ridiculous some people can be. An article like this really shouldn't leave you wondering-is she serious or what? If you're poking fun, make sure everyone knows it. And no, I haven't lost my sense of humor. I totally get tongue and cheek and I think that many of these other people do too. When you write for the public, you need to take into account your audience; not everyone will be familiar with your style of wit and humor. It's becomes even more unclear when your article is in a magazine that deals with fact, not supposition.
Posted by Tamara Call on July 21,2010 | 10:52 AM
Clever, funny piece. It's a shame that people can get their undies all in a bunch over something like this. Lighten up, people.
Posted by Pablo on July 18,2010 | 09:41 PM
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