You don't even have to be an immigrant for that to happen. You just have to be a visible minority and they will pop the question.

My two cents, it's great to be curious, yes. Probably not one person would think twice about it if that would be it. Where are you from? Say a place and call it a day. No more questions. But it seems that no one stops there. If you do get to be asked this question every time you meet someone new then it becomes extremely annoying. Strangers get to ask questions not even good friends sometimes would. They just don't shy away from anything. So really? Europe, huh? What part? Who did you come with? When? How? How long ago? How old were you? (At this point they already know my age and I am not completely comfortable with that) Any family members? Did you speak any English before yo came here? How did you learn? Who did you live with? Oh why did you move to a different city? Where do you work? Does anyone speak your language at your work? Do you go back to your country? How often? When was the last time? etc., etc. Maybe it's just my fault for not knowing how to tell people to back off from a personal space. Or is there such a thing?

Your story is amazing!!! Thanks so much for sharing it. I got sick of Americans asking me about my accent to the point when I just wanna say somthing totally crazy. I wish to find the best way to get rid of it and all these stupid questions.

The biggest problem is that the questions never seem to end. My husband has been here for 35 years, served in the military here, saw friends killed for this country and almost died himself in service to this country. He considers himself American. But even after 35 years, he still gets asked almost every time he meets someone new where he is from, how long he's been here, why did he come to this country, why hasn't he gone back. So, it's not really like the college kid being asked about his major. At some point the kid graduates and no longer gets asked those questions.

If someone touches you once in one spot it won't necessarily bother you. But if people keep touching the same spot over and over, that spot is likely to get sore.

When I go abroad (including the US) my face and my accent still seem to confuse people as my looks dont quite fit into my strong Yorkshire accent. Yet I take no offence in being asked where I'm from, why should I? Unless the person is being completely ignorant or just plain rude I dont believe there is any harm with people being interested in who you are, it means they are prepared to listen and even learn something rather than make assumptions based on the colour of your skin, your gender, your accent or even if you have tattoos etc.
Being from Yorkshire I'm used to talking openly to strangers as the more North in England you go, the nicer the people you will meet! I think Iva should be grateful that people are taking the time to ask her where shes from, yes it can go on for quite a bit but usually when a person tells you for example that they ate in a lovely Czech restaurant the other day or something to that effect! They are most likely just trying to make a connection so that you seem like less of a stranger!
I was born and raised in West Yorkshire, England and I am Indian, I love my heritage and I also love where I was born, sometimes it takes more than an accent to really know someone. I doesn't bother me that people want to know things about me even though I get asked about how to make a good curry all the time!! lol.

Best answer to that is ,"From past many years(City name where you live in US)is home".or if someone is asking rudely or arrogantly u can say that:"its for me to know and for you to find out".its mostly curiosity,but a self respect limit should be always there.if people can become actor & governor like Arnold Schwazenager then u shoul never think of yourself less in anyway from any one.if you can speak 2 languages with one of them with an accent u still have more knowledge than a person speaking one language with no accent.America is great country and people are nice and supportive,and mostly they are just trying to connect with you by saying oh my aunt ate chiken soup from the same country you were born.America is Land of Immigrants,officially and un-officially.

I think the article reflects the reality. I've been living in the US for eleven years, and encounter with this phenomenon all the time. I've a thick Russian accent, and as soon as I open my mouth, the next question is "where are you from". It's both good and bad, depending on the situation. It's serves a good reason to engage in a conversation. But sometimes it's simply annoying.

I completley disagree with this article. First and for most. Not every American can pick out all the different kinds of accents around the world. Thats why people ask "Where you from?", second of all, People from a foreign country shouldn't be offended by that question or any question relating to them. Its a frequent question asked among regular Americans as well. For example, what are the 3 main questions that college students ask other college students? 1). Where you from? (OMG! Schocking!). 2) Whats your major? 3) What dorm you in? Those are alwasy the questions asked and asked again. You don't hear college students complaining. People ask questions and when they hear an answer, they want to further the conversation by relating the answer to something in (the person who's asking the questions) life. This article is completley one sided. If the author is going to complain about Americans, do it about something that's actually offensive, such as racism. If you want to be mad at Americans. Fine be mad about thier curiosity, but dont be mad at the fact that we are nice. The example people in this article didn't do anything to that female to show that they were offending her. Its natural for humans to be curious, it's in our genes! Plus being foriegn in itself is pretty cool. How many people in America will actually travel out of America? Not many, so being a pure foriegn person in itself is unique (unique is a good thing by the way) think about it, you came from a whole other country. A country that has a rich background tradition etc etc. And you can't figure out why people are curious? I can and should go on, but i wont. I just think this article is completley 1 sided and that the female in the article should be glad for the attention.

How does this sound: "I love your accent! Where are you from? Germany? My best friend came from Germany and she made the best potato salad". Guess how often I was told this in the last 50 years of my life in this country. Should I answer 'I love your southern drawl, where are you from?' which I have and it did the trick.

When someone takes an interest in me I am almost always flattered. Why is it that so many follow the 'worldly' attitude that in order to be sophisticated one must 'act' as if they are too busy, aloof, important...whatever (fill in the blank!?)..." to speak to a someone? I am very interested in people and Love to talk to strangers and learn as much as I can about how other people live. If everyone had this attitude in this world where most seem to worship ugly and cold pretentious traditions and so many are so afraid of so many others, I would think that any and every thinking, caring and progressive person would encourage and do everything in their power to start dialogue and influence as many and all others as posible, especially the editors of Smithsonian (WHY DID YOU PUBLISH SO SARCATIC AN CYNICAL A COLUMN BY THIS AUTHOR-ONE THING WE DON'T NEED IS MORE SARCASM AND CYNICISM-ESPECIALLY IN SMITHSONIAN, AND HARDLY AN EDUCATIONAL COLUMN AT THAT! e all know how hard and cold; how cool and untouchable, ect., ect., that the so many in the media and society act as if this is acceptable and normal, but if we don't start a little neighborly love starting with the "neighbor-person next to us, well, we know where the world is headed.
No this is not an extreme reaction to an amusing little ancedote/ column, attitudes presented by "institutions" like Smithsonian have power. Use it to bring people together, not to excuse and further their hardness and coldness.

This is how I felt when I moved from upstate New York to the South years ago. I thought everyone was very nosy, but realized later they were just friendly (well, probably nosy, too!).

However, I assure you that there are people who won't try to play 20 questions with you. I would be as silent as a stalk if I rode in an elevator with you and if I encountered you in a checkout line, I wouldn't ask you questions, either.

There ought to be a universal hand signal for "please stop talking to me, I prefer not to converse." Imagine all the places you'd like to be able to use such a tool! Airplane would probably be #1, although I am the queen of nonverbal body language to convey "I don't want to talk" on planes.

Sounds extremely familiar -- except that I'm an American living in Germany. I've had countless of these elevator conversations since moving here 2+ years ago, and they also usually involve mild surprise that an American can speak German and some colorful political commentary as well. Anyway, my point is, it's not necessarily only an American trait to make such "friendly inquiries"!

I am constantly being asked, "What am I." Which I think is very rude. I want to say "human," w/o being rude. But sometimes rude questions deserve rude answers.

I live in a predominantly Chinese community in San Francisco, so if you have light skin and smallish eyes, everyone presumes you are Chinese. (Which btw I am not. I am a Filipino, born in America, with a "smidgen of Manchurian/Tibetan, and alot more East Indian"). I identify as a Filipino though b/c that's all I know.

One white lady asked another lady "Where her name came from." The sales lady replied, "I'm mongolian." The white lady responded "Is that China?"

I don't know sometimes...Is it ignorance or just stupidity.

I had to laugh so hard because I felt you were talking about my life. I am from Germany and people ask me here all the time where I am from. Once they told me about somebody in their family visiting Austria...

Cultural thing, Iva. I hear you loud and clear, being an immigrant myself, I know exactly what you mean. But they really don't mean anything negative. Just uncomfortable in an enclosed space and feeling that they need to talk not to be awkward. Whenever a question of my accent comes up, I tell them that I am from IL. If they push for more details, I usually ask something about them or turn the conversation to a weather topic.
To all people who couldn't take the point about having a small talk turning into interrogation :), since you are not immigrant, you will not understand. Some would try to understand without negative comments, but some are culturally blind and narrow-minded. That's OK, though. You make the world an interesting place to live in. Thank you!

Unfortunately some people can not understand the difference between "a small talk" and "being nosy" and as someone has already mentioned above just let them feel the way they make you feel by starting asking them the same type of questions like where they come from (it doesn't matter if they have an accent or not), why their ancestors moved to the US, how much money they make and why don't they change their job. It doesn't matter what you met them less than 1 minute ago, if they feel that it is nice to bother people with stupid questions let them feel the same way.

Dear Peter, your mom obviously taught you a good thing not to say anything if you don't have something nice to say, so why did you write such a "loving" post to Iva then?!

I worked in the store and people always asked me where I am from. It didn't bother me so much. But I hate the question "What did bring you here?". This is my private life and I have no desire to discuss it with complete strangers.

Hey, Justin. When you said you "think people here do get to involved in others lives in a negative way" you made two mistakes. "TOO involved in OTHERS' lives" will do it. Now go back to your writing class...

Sherry mentions "speaking legibly in English"--one writes legibly, one speaks fluently.

And Eva says
when I came here [Yugoslavia] was stil Czechoslovakia." I wonder when that was.

Carry on! As my tee-shirt proudly proclaims: I am the grammarian about whom your mother warned you."
May

You can have so much fun with this. When I get this question ("what a charming accent") my reply is along the lines "I learned it from Mark Twain."

If SOME Americans will causally and spontaneously come up to you and ask a little something about what have you(foreign accent included)...I simply see it as the last thing in the world anyone should choose to fuss about. This is the last American "sin" that anyone should even mention because it is incredibly irrelevant unless placed into a much larger context - which context obviously never occured to the author in the first place. Chit chat, face-value friendliness, curiosity about origins are fine - as long as people are also capable of developing in-depth, extensive, sustainable conversations; as long as they are also capable of being close friends as opposed to just "friendly". At the risk of committing that horifying (by-American-standards) act of "generalizing", I would dare to say most Americans are severely lacking in those life skills. Now THAT is a problem in my book! Otherwise, ask me about my foreign accent all you want: proud of it, no intention to get rid of it...and no need to adopt that kind of "anonimity" the author is talking about, which is clearly overrated. The problem in America is not people's causual friendliness but rather the flimsiness of personal relationships in general. Besides, if you try places like New England (where we are right now), you will get ice cold, even awkward, treatment for the most part, if this is your cup of tea. Plenty of anonimity here if you so desire. As an immigrant myself, I sincerely believe that the only reason why any immigrant would crave such "anonimity" is if they were secretely or subconsciously ashamed of their origins. I find the entire topic a bit of a waste of time, which could be spent discussing so much more substantive issues.

I sympathize.

People are like this with any piece of information, and it truly is annoying. In my building, it's dog questions. Where's your dog? He's upstairs (We're not connected at the hip, you know, and he's not allowed in the grocery store.). How many times do you take him out a day? Three, four, sometimes more. That many? Yes. You have to pee more than once a day, don't you?

I hate telling people I grew up in New Orleans, because I have to hear about their vacation or conference there, how they got drunk on Bourbon Street, how they went to Mardi Gras. They ask me if I speak French (No, cher, most people don't). They're surprised I don't have an accent. It's the same story told a million times. I don't care. Tell me or ask me something about my city I haven't heard before.

To those rude people who tell Iva to go back from whence she came if she doesn't like it, your comments are just ignorant. It happens to those of us who're homegrown too.

I've lived here all my life and I'm of German ancestry with a little Cherokee thrown in. I agree with you completely that people can be very inane and insensitive. I was paid a very nice compliment on a plane ride from S.F. to Seattle. The man sitting next to me and I chatted a bit and just before we deplaned he told me that I was the first American that he had spoken with that didn't ask "what do you do?" within the first 3 questions. I really believe that a lot of Americans are just poor conversationalists and a bit nosey.

Hi Iva,
I chuckled aloud when I read your essay. I don't always SPEAK English well (according to my daughter) and I'm from TEXAS! Believe me, just as the ads say,"It's a Whole Other Country."
I teach English as a Second Language(accent aside) and most Americans are excited simply to know someone who is fluent in more than one language. The fact that you can speak legibly in English is a tribute to you. There are many who live long lives in other countries and never attempt to learn the language.
Try to keep your good humor. Continue to say your version of,"Yes, I'm from Texas," and "No, I don't believe I know your cousin from Houston." Another option: wear your sunglasses indoors and act mysterious. I can't pull that one off ;)

Hi Ivo
well at least you don't get peopel to say o Yugoslavia when I came here it was stil Czechoslovakia and very few people new where in the world is that . Than Martina Navratilova came and they could even spell the name

ahoj
Eva

This was an amusing article, though it should be noted that not all Americans feel the need to ask this question. I also think it's much less an issue of niceness and much more an issue of curiosity-- and then after you answer many feel compelled to make an inane remark and continue the conversation.

East Coast is where you want to be if you'd rather be ignored-- we hate small talk!

Samantha, manners in short supply? I think not. There's nothing wrong with being nice. There is everything wrong with being downright nosy. My favourite (sarcasm) are the people who think because I am white and British it is acceptable to imitate my accent when having a conversation. Now if I were Indian would they do the same? I think not. Just like the author said. We are not here to amuse and entertain you.

You perhaps are one of those people who tries to get foreigners to repeat themselves over and over as if they are caged parrots whose sole function is to give you a culture injection.

Turning the tables as Doug said is a good one. Just start asking them about their religion and who they voted for in the last election or ask about race relations, or war. Those are good subjects for changing the subject and get Americans blood boiling.

This is SO familiar to me--but not firsthand. This is exactly my mother's experience. She came to the US from Europe in 1965 and speaks excellent English (better than many natives), but close to 50 years later, yes, with an accent.

She'd love to be able to go around and NOT be asked where she's from. To her, the US is her home. This is where she's from. And she'd like, as you said, to be anonymous, to not stand out--to get RID of her accent altogether.

The accent is also a sore spot because back in the 60s, while living in a rather culturally isolated area, the people often looked down on her and assumed she was stupid because she had an accent (forget the fact that she had an amazing private-school education that probably knocked the socks off many of these people's).

So to this day, she bristles when asked where she's from--she's never sure if it means they assume she's a second-class citizen or whether they're simply being curious or what.

She'd love anonymity.

My teacher in my College Writing class read this to us. And this topic really interested me, because I am very interested in Sweden. I plan on taking a semester in Vaxjo, Sweden and was reading about how silent Europeans are. I dont think I would classify Europeans silence as rude. I would just consider them more to themselves. But, not in a selfish way. At least that is how I view it.

I am only 20, and have lived in America all my life, and it's not that I hate it, I just think people here do get to involved in others lives in a negative way. People ask too many questions, and it wouldnt be a problem, but since they are American, and I am American, people tend to judge way too often. Because it isnt rude for fellow Americans to judge other Americans, or so it seems.

I heard a joke somewhere on the internet on a European forum. "If a person just randomly comes up to you and talks, they are either psychotic, drunk, or American." I think a lot of Americans are loud, obnoxious, rude and intrusive. Go to a restaruant, and you walk in on a busy night and your ears are cluttered with loud, obnoxious people screaming over tables to people a few feet away from them about how amazing their motorcycle is, or their day at work. If everyone just talked at a moderate level, this wouldn't be an issue.

I am just ranting here, but to all the rude people on the comments, maybe not everyone cares to know about how much your dog enjoyed his bath, or stuff along those lines. It all seems to lead to drama, and people invite others into their lives way too easily, only to get hurt. I do not believe silence is rude. Maybe my visit to Sweden will show my otherwise? Although I am hoping for the best.

This diatribe and other vapid like musings based on observations of imperfect human behavior that seem to only clarify the divide for the purposes of profit, ego, or emotional venting, it seems that only one conclusion is clear to me. People are the problem: the author, the inquisitors in the elevator, the commentators of this post, of course which includes me.

Iva Skoch finds that "nice people have to ruin everything" by being sincerely interested in her as a Czech citizen living in the United States?

I note at the bottom of the story that she is writing a book "about crashing weddings around the world." How do those bridal parties feel about "nice people" ruining their most important day by feeling entitled to crash the event and, evidently, finding it amusing enough to write a book and profit from that same intrusion into dozens of lives around the globe?

Ms. Skoch should find some perspective between people genuinely interested in others and those who have no regard for others.

I salute you Karl. As an immigrant I totally agree with your comment. Stay wherever you happy people. I love my life here in the States. Yes I get those questions wherever I go and I answer them and go on. Just love America and Americans. Don't get my wrong I love my native country too.

Since you don't like pleasantries and people being nice here in the US of A, how about a good 'ole fashioned American "F***you, push the button yourself...."

You would probably find someway to complain about that too.

On that note another famous American (all of us when we were little kids in American schools) said “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me” So yep, it is apparently true that it is “what’s on the inside that counts”. No one would disagree with that. As for “the package” comment about Iva – sorry but it looks as if we have another one on board commenting here in our midst. Let’s all give it up for Lori Olsen from England who is clearly “the package”, however unfortunately she’s likely already been taken by some brilliant London Solicitor.

Psssst …hey Maria take a look at Karl’s comments… some real ammo there.

Karl – thanks for taking some of the heat off me.

Dear, Dear Maria! (And I said your name in my mind the same way Ahhhnold does)

Sorry that my comments weren’t enjoyable enough for you – and your exclusionary tactics don’t fly here because thankfully you lumped me in with Mary “Don’t Worry, be Happy!” Fletcher who clearly has a backbone and sounds well-traveled and …well, like a very nice, happy person. So Maria I am very much enjoying your comments. And thanks for calling me out on being VERY nice. That is sooooo sweet. And nice try (irony intended). But you sold me short. I’m very, very, very, very nice – some might even say huggable. At least my kids might say that. And as you are attempting to imply (by use of “VERY”) my kids must also think I’m a big idiot, but that’s only when I ask them questions about their accents.

Cathartically speaking I’m glad to see so many folks with accents and otherwise externally facing features (like height) responding sympathetically to Iva. Always good to get things off your chest. So I am on the stocky, (formerly) muscular side and people frequently mistake for me for a footballer, wrestler, or kitten killer (I threw that last one in for you Maria – no one has actually said that – at least not to my face). But I actually prefer reading, writing, basketball, tennis and hiking – not necessarily in that order. (sorry - this is starting to read like a personal ad) Am I angry or annoyed by people asking if I played football the moment I meet them? No….. not at all, it’s simply people being people … using whatever scope of life experience and understanding they have to reach out and relate to the world around them.
It’s called small talk – talk that can sometimes lead to big talk and still bigger talk, coffee, lunch and then suddenly it’s a friendship!

After reading the article, my 16 year old son said "What a brat! What's wrong with being nice?"

Not to mention writing a a book on crashing weddings? Manners seem to be in short supply for this author. What a complete waste of space in the magazine!

I do have some sympathy for you Iva. Your story made me think of how for most of my life(until I began to look 'older')people would often ask me if I played basketball because I'm tall(6'). I was asked that question so often thru the years that I had started answering,"No, I'm usually asked if I MODEL!" Or, "No, I've always had more interest in ART!" Which is actually true! Nothing against B-ball, but is that the ONLY thing a tall person can do?? I like the idea of quickly changing the subject to the WEATHER or even asking the person where THEY are from and on and on till you can escape!

well I meet nice people all the time with my accent and can relate to Iva;'s story very much...apart from the fact people assume i'm from somewhere else instead of generrally asking. As I am blonde with a tan and nice white teeth, aparently these are the requirments for being Australian or South African so its those two places people assume I come from. Othe guess have been New Zealand, Sweden and Germany..
but alas, none of those are where I come from!
I even try to put on my nice posh accent and talk 'proper'rather than with my regional dialect so others can understand me, but I have still been looked at as if I come from Mars when asking for cotton in the supermarket, water in a bar and something for Naesea in a chemist...so where am I from I hear you all ask...I'm from England, I am a true cockney but can speak very nicely when I need to!!!
So guys, next time you meet a person with an accent, listen a bit harder and if the person does have great teeth, non hairy legs and arm pits, is not toally anemic looking and blonde hair, they can actually be fron England!!!!

This situation is not only typical for the US. When I worked in Russia I visited the Krim. By the way - worth a visit!
When standing in line for the Cechov museum a woman began a conversation with me and of course I had an accent (an Austrian speaking Russian) but she placed me into Riga, so I was glad we could talk about my actual home country. We had a nice time and I enjoyed the conversation. In times where computers regulate our contacts, manage communication tools I enjoy meeting people.

If we didn't let any foreigners or illegal immigrants into this country, we wouldn't have this problem, would be? But then, everyone wants to come here and so what can we do?

They don't go to, say, China, Vietnam, Poland, or Nigeria. Gee, I wonder why. Of course, if you lived there, they'd stare at you.

No, they come to the US and then they don't like it and insult Americans because as we all know, Americans are inferior to just about everyone else in the world.

But still, they all want to come here. I can't figure it out. Why come to a country whose people and foreign policy you don't like?
Maybe people would be happiest staying where they were born.
I know I am.

It's also good fun being an American military brat (who then went on to marry a Brit) & have only lived inside the U.S. for 15 of 31 years. Visiting the U.S. after living outside of it so much that you no longer have a discernible accent is great fun. The answer "I'm not really from anywhere since I've moved around so much" is not acceptable. The question invariably becomes, "but no, really, where are you from?" It's best to just skip that and pick the place you lived the longest and say you're from there.

"Where are you from?"

"Er... Wisconsin."

"You're an American?! No way!!!"

Your whole life story is then required in order for them to understand why your accent isn't "properly" American, that yes, you are patriotic, no, your family actually aren't recent immigrants, thanking the person for the various suggestions to "keep" an American accent, etc etc.

It is easier in Europe. Conversation basically goes like this:

"Are you from Canada?"

"No - the U.S."

"Ah, your accent confused me."

"I've moved around a lot."

"That would do it."

That's it. No life story to relate to explain why your accent has no borders, no person expecting you to apologize for not sounding the nationality you purport to be.

For me, the frustration doesn't come with all these nice people asking questions. The frustration comes with having to repeat the answer endlessly to almost every single American that I meet, otherwise I'm considered rude.

It might sound odd since I am an American, but I completely understand where the author of this article is coming from.

Thank you for the article Iva!!! It sounds like something I would have written... I do love accents of all kinds (as long as I can understand), but also get annoyed when asked by total strangers where I am from. It does get old... really. Enjoyed reading all comments as well with the exception of two: Mary Fletcher’s and mostly Peter Cesarini’s… Really Peter??? Calling someone “the package” kind off puts you in that group of VERY nice people.

Iva,

Welcome to North America! The conversations that you have had will make great fodder for your writing. I salute you for being so patient with the people who unwittingly annoy you.

When I moved to Saskatchewan Canada from the States, I ran into the same thing. Having lived here most of my life, I now have this type of thing happening less in Canada and more when I visit the States, which is ironic. Often, the question of "where you from" is followed by the statement of "I know someone in Toronto, maybe you know him/her". Nevermind that Toronto is miles from Saskatchewan.

I do not think that you are a "sour puss". You are just someone who would like to keep her private life PRIVATE. Doug's suggestion of turning the tables sounds like a good one. You will be surprised how well it works.

I remember some years ago I attended a concert with some friends from England who lived and worked here in the US. When the bar tender asked my friend "where are you from?" His response was, "Atlanta". Nothing more was said.

Have you tried turning the tables? Just start asking them the same questions, even if it goes against your grain. They'll be so busy blabbing all their personal business to you, they'll stop asking questions. Just pretend to be interested and say, "Huh!" every minute or so.

As a Southerner I have grown used to store clerks in my husband’s home town in Iowa, answering the question “Do you have this is a size 10?” with “Ohh, wherreya frrom?”

In shops and restaurants in France where I go often, I hear “Vous parlez bien français.” (You speak French very well.) I smile and answer them, “Vous aussi.” (You too.) They generally sputter and stammar and explain to me that they should, since they are French. I always want to ask “If I speak French so well, how do you know I am not from here?”

Dr. May Gwin Waggoner

Iva, enjoyed your essay. Like you I'm asked at least once a day : where are you from. Unlike you my answer is usually followed by : where is that. Tired of explaining to strangers that my home country is the Grand-Duchy of Luxembourg, situated between France, Germany and Belgium, I now usually just say small country in Europe. Most people then confuse my country with Liechtenstein but that is OK with me.

Dear Iva,

My nice, contagious, small talkin', nosy side has prompted me to reach out re: "So Where are You From?". Or perhaps better titled "Love, Czech Republic Style"?

A famous American Mom, my Mom, reminded me many more times than once that "if you can't say something nice, then don't say it at all".

Darn ....apparently all of us listening to our Mom's here in the USA has been our downfall ...... at least among Czechoslova..... oops, I mean among transplanted Czech Republic writers.

Iva I feel very bad for you as I am surmising you didn't have it so good in the country formerly known as Czechoslovakia; now the Czech Republic (so much easier to spell now - likely a nod to us poor-spelling nice guys in the USA ). And it's also a good thing you clarified the split in 1993, otherwise we would have all missed it, because for us Americans the USA is "the be all, epicenter of universe" So getting back to the issue at hand. I think you must have had it tough, because clearly your Mom didn't teach you anything like "if you can't say something nice, then don't say it at all". Or maybe and perhaps more likely, you have just decided to ignore her good advice. I'm guessing the latter is the issue here, because I bet Czech Republic Mom's are pretty similar to Mom's here in the USA, as Mom's are similar through out the world. Iva don't be angry about that last statement- this doesn't degrade Czech Mom's as much as you might think. All of us here in the USA are actually immigrants, many 1, 2 or maybe 3 generations removed. And they must have all passed the niceness test to get in, as we only take the nice ones (but you already figured that part out)!

And secondly I feel bad for you because you decided to abandon all your "rude, anonymous, European" friends and travel all the way here to the USA to live the dream among us "nice Americans", only to discover to your horror that we are at the very best a shallow, vapid and persistently nosy population, devoted only to small talk. Shame on us for the bait and switch and now you are far from your homeland and friendless in this pitiless land of mindless pleasantries. And to make matters worse you're stuck with an American husband who's a lawyer. My guess is that you only remain here, because your lawyer husband is either holding you hostage (we all know lawyers can be like that), or that he's somehow broken free from the shackles of "American niceness" to become sufficiently "rude and anonymous" to suit you. (Hubby call me - I'll bring you in off the ledge.) And I personally have not had any experiences with "rude, anonymous people in EU" - except once in Paris when the waiter brought the wrong food to our table and tried to make us eat it. Some "rude and anonymous" Germans dining next to us handily interceded to bolster the discussion in our favor. Man did that waiter pay for his mistake - we niced him practically to death.

Finally to help answer the central query to your muse, "Why must a foreign accent always invite inquisition"? Firstly another famous American named Will Rogers was fond of often repeating, "I never met a man I didn't like." We like people here. Secondly I think working against you is that you are smart, well spoken, and likely very attractive, as American lawyers from NYC don't marry any other kind as far as I know. In short because you are "the package" people are drawn to you and perhaps hearing your accent, seize that as an opportunity to open up conversation. Singled out not because you are foreign, but because you are so interestingly and perfectly you.

Upřímně,

When I returned from Europe (Germany, Czech Republic) on August 25, Smithsonian was waiting for me; at first glance, an interesting title of The Last Page...but I returned to it next day; to my delight and amusement, I was reading something like about me! And so entertaining and nice! Living 25 years in Los Angeles I have heard the question n-times; at the beginning I loved to answer and say as much about my homeland as I could, grateful for the interest - naively. Later I tried to avoid next question by saying I was from Europe - wouldn't work; same when I said I was from LA. Yes, I would love to have no accent (wishful thinking) here since it is my home now - the 'belonging' feeling is still missing because of it and the 'Where you from' question doesn't help!
Moc pekne napsane, Ivo! Dekuji a hodne stesti!

Iva's So Where Are You From piece, was mildly amusing. She rekindles the images of old man Scrooge, but without the happy ending.
I hope the rudeness of strangers she seeks will be more available in The Big Apple than she found in the offensively open folks she encountered in the western portions of our country.

Ms Skoch,

You should move back home. America is a great country because people feel free to look one another in the eye and make contact. It's much harder for your Lenins, your Stalins and your Hitlers to gain traction in this type of environment. A country is only as good as its population. The social, economic and environmental conditions of Eastern Europe speak volumes about your people's abilities to sustain a nation.

You were completely out of line to correct the person who told you his grandfather's friend was from Czechoslovakia and you corrected him to say Czech Republic. Does this man still live in that country or did he emigrate here, or die over there when it was still Czechoslovakia? Your insensitivity to your new country is disturbing. Also, Check-Whatever-the-Heck-you're Calling-it-this-Decade, just isn't as important a place as you might think.

I am sure that there won't be line to get back into your old country, dear. You really do belong there, you really won't ever fit in here.

Presumably, you are white. If you are darker than a brown paper bag as I am, then expect a full accounting of your DNA within the first three minutes of meeting someone in America. Worst part is that my family has been living here for over 200 years, and yet I still have to outline my family tree to perfect strangers.

I must admit I enjoyed your article a lot, I even sent it to all my immigrant friends.

I felt like you could not have explained "the whole process" better. Sure we don't want to be rude and act like we only hear this for the first time. Sure we are trying to be polite. BUT do we like it?

I personally HATE to answer those questions in a daily basis. I HATE to get into specifics about my job, my status here or my husband's occupation and the end get the surprise look "how did she achieve all that"?

It happens to me TOO often so no wonder I just want to be left alone, blend in and mind my own business.

Hey, it happens the world over. It isn't something only Americans do. I am an American living in Ireland and I get the same questions constantly here, and in Britain and in Holland and in France etc. I think the anonymous silence you are used to is a Czech Republic thing.

If you don't want people to notice your accent, don't say anything.

Thank you for writing this article! Being an immigrant myself, it was wonderful to finally have someone else describe what I go through on a daily basis. I am used to it (I've been living in the US for 11 years), but I still do miss the anonymity of not having an accent. This is not about being a "sourpuss"; there is a big difference between being asked about your origins when you travel occasionally versus getting inquiries every day, everywhere you go, work, dinner, walking your dog... Sometimes it's nice to be able to ask "what time is it?" without someone replying "Its 6...and where are you from" Thank you!

I often ask people where they are from if I hear a foreign accent or what language they are speaking. And it generally leads to a short, pleasant conversation. I have never spoken with anyone who has had the reaction that you have. Even after reading your article, I'll continue doing what I have done for years.

Hi Iva,

Your story reminded me of when I lived in Praha. No chitchat on the trams by and large! (Noisy anyhow) still people would ask if they could sit with you at the hospoda, but then again it was a shared bench and table and they wanted to eat! But the conversations usually had a habit of drifting up and down such a table and became one big hog-podge of a round table!(especially when I was heard speaking English) This was one of my very most favorite things about the Czech Republic. Seems American's can't leave the hospoda talk in the hospoda!
So when you ask, “Why must a foreign accent always invite an inquisition?” you have to remember we're a nation built on immigration and no matter how long a family has been American we hold a special genetic memory that is triggered by accents from the old world. Do you wonder if grafted vines miss the old soil? Thus you engender the living link our DNA can't seem to sever completely and bear the slings and arrows of outrageous elevator conversations!
Don't feel bad telling people the truth, this phenomonon seems to happen via detecting American English dialects too yall, don't'cha know, do what now? From the south? Midwest? Oklahoma? Brooklyn, Bronx, New England, we all have to come from somewhere, and when we move we miss it even when we say we don't.
We are nice people but we're driven to ask by more than manners!

Thanks for the story,

Nazdravi!

As an American living in Europe, I now understand how ridiculous it is to ask "where are you from" when I hear an accent. It gets old after hearing it the thousandth time. At least Europeans simply only ask where you're from. They don't launch into the idiotic American small talk about their great grandmother being from a country 600 miles away that has nothing to do with the country you're currently living in. I much prefer the European coldness over hearing about your son's brother's friend's lover who once visited Budapest.

Take into account that Iva grew up in a communist country, is it any wonder that she would be a little guarded and hesitant to give out her personal information?

Iva, a way to get away from the personal inquiries, switch the conversation to the weather!

I laughed out loud because you summarized a couple of conversational archetypes that annoy me too - and I was born here! The number of people who ask me *exactly* where I live... maybe I'll try your line next time and see what turn the conversation takes.

Being brown-skinned of part-Indian descent (here I am oversharing), I get the "Where you from?" quite often, though, I might note, usually from immigrants of all backgrounds. The questions from locals have subsided over the years. They used to inform me that they or their spouse work with a lovely Indian person. But the places I live seem to have since become more accustomed to diversity.

My favorite was a kid on the DC Metro, rocking out to his headphones. He sees me, immediately stops his music, nods upward in my direction, and says, 'Where you from.' No 'Hello', no 'excuse me'. No question mark, even. I'd like to think I said, 'Where YOU from?' but I don't actually remember.

Oh, I found myself in this article (on both sides, being the stranger in a foreign country, as well as local asking foreigners where they are from).

Iva, your sense for humor made my day! Radim

Radim

Well, I don’t mind and in fact love to hear such questions when I am travelling in a foreign country. But, at the same time, I hate to hear the same question in the US, where I have established a permanent residency. Whenever someone asks that question, I feel that I am still an alien here and don’t belong here when I am trying to call the US my home country. I don’t know why, maybe I hate to see I am still considered “fresh-off-the-boat”

@Mary. I can assure you that your experiences as a traveler are quite different from those of a recent immigrant. As a traveler, you always had in mind the eventual end of your trip and a return to your home, which is probably why you felt "flattered" when people appeared to take an interest in you. Immigrants don't share that mindset and are often treated as "forever foreigners" in their new homes, or as exotic creatures that are meant to amuse and entertain us with their cute accents. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for being happy and enjoying life as you suggest, but your response lacked empathy and was dismissive of another human's experience. Sorry for being just another sourpuss.

You sound like a sourpuss!
Every person who comes to our area seem to be delighted when asked where they come from. And usually a nice discussion of travel and family ensues.
If I am traveling out of my country, I am flattered when asked where I come from and where I am headed. Its a nice way to open a topic and to have a learning experience. I think of how once traveling in Central America, we were winging it, and wanted to know places of interest, we found a young woman who sat with us for hours and mapped out a great itinerary for us.
So try to look at this from a happy standpoint, and not feel that its offensive or intrusive, its all in your interpretation.
Be happy, enjoy life!
Mary

I think you may have just run into stupid americans, not nice ones. I do admit, I have used accents as conversation starters if I have been forced into a social situation - but only as a last resort, and certainly not by choice in an elevator where silence is my preferred medium of travel.