Living With Geese
Novelist and gozzard Paul Theroux ruminates about avian misconceptions, anthropomorphism and March of the Penguins as "a travesty of science"
- By Paul Theroux
- Smithsonian magazine, December 2006, Subscribe
(Page 2 of 4)
This is perhaps understandable. I've named most of my geese, if only to make sense of which one is which, and they grow into the name. I talk to them. They talk back to me. I have genuine affection for them. They make me laugh in their wrongheadedness as well as in the ironies of their often-unerring instincts. I also feel for them, and I understand their mortality in ways they cannot. But even in the pathos, which is part of pet owning, I try to avoid anthropomorphizing them, which is the greatest barrier to understanding their world.
But E. B. White patronizes his geese and invents feelings for them and obfuscates things. After years of goose rearing, I finally read his essays and, as I feared, was in the company of a fanciful author, not an observant gozzard, or goose rearer. Here was "a gander who was full of sorrows and suspicions." A few sentences later the gander was referred to as "a grief-crazed old fool." These are the sentimentalities you find in children's books. A goose in White's "classic" story about a spider, Charlotte's Web, says to Wilbur the pig, "I'm sitting-sitting on my eggs. Eight of them. Got to keep them toasty-oasty-oasty warm."
Edward Lear was also capable of writing in this whimsical vein, yet his paintings of birds rival Audubon's in dramatic accuracy. Lear could be soppy about his cat, but he was clearsighted the rest of the time. E. B. White is never happier than when he is able to depict an animal by humanizing it as a friend. Yet what lies behind the animal's expression of friendship? It is an eagerness for easy food. Feed birds and they show up. Leave the lids off garbage cans in Maine and you've got bears—"beggar bears" as they're known. Deer love the suburbs—that's where the easiest meals are. Woodchucks prefer dahlias to dandelions. The daily imperative of most animals, wild and tame, is the quest for food, which is why, with some in your hand, you seem to have a pet, if not a grateful pal.
White's geese are not just contented but cheerful. They are also sorrowful. They are malicious, friendly, broken-spirited. They mourn. They are at times "grief-stricken." White is idiosyncratic in distinguishing male from female. He misunderstands the cumulative battles that result in a dominant gander—and this conflict is at the heart of his essay. He seems not to notice how at the margins of a flock they bond with each other—two old ganders, for example, keeping each other company. It seems to White that geese assume such unusual positions for sex that they've consulted "one of the modern sex manuals." Goslings are "innocent" and helpless. When I came across the gander White singled out as "a real dandy, full of pompous thoughts and surly gestures," I scribbled in the margin, "oh, boy."
During ten years of living among geese and observing them closely, I have come to the obvious conclusion that they live in a goose-centric world, with goose rules and goose urgencies. More so than ducks, which I find passive and unsociable, geese have a well-known flocking instinct, a tendency to the gaggle. This is enjoyable to watch until you realize that if there is more than one gander in the flock, they will fight for dominance, often quite vocally.
Their sounds vary in pitch and urgency, according to the occasion, from wheedling murmurs of reedy ingratiation, along with the silent scissoring of the beak, as they step near knowing you might have food, to the triumphant squawk and wing-flapping of the gander after he has successfully put to flight one of his rivals. In between are the ark-ark-ark of recognition and alarm when the geese see or hear a stranger approach. Geese have remarkable powers of perception (famously, geese warned the Romans of the Gallic invasion in 390 b.c.); the hiss of warning, almost snake-like, the beak wide open, the agitated honk with an outstretched neck, and—among many other goose noises—the great joyous cry of the guarding gander after his mate has laid an egg and gotten off her nest. Ducks quack, loudly or softly, but geese are large eloquent vocalizers, and each distinct breed has its own repertoire of phrases.
My first geese began as three wobbly goslings, scarcely a day old, two ganders and a goose. The goose became attached to one of the ganders—or perhaps the other way round; the superfluous gander became attached to me—indeed "imprinted" on me so deeply that even years later he will come when called, let his feathers be groomed, scratched and smoothed, and will sit on my lap without stirring, in an astonishing show of security and affection. Konrad Lorenz describes this behavior as resulting from a gosling's first contact. Affection is of course the wrong word—mateship is more exact; my gander had found a partner in me because his mother was elsewhere and no other goose was available.
Every day of the year my geese range over six sunny Hawaiian acres. Penning or staking them, as some gozzards do in northern latitudes, is unthinkable. White mentions such captivity in his essay but makes no judgment: it is of course cruel confinement, maddening big birds, which need lots of space for browsing, rummaging and often flying low. When it comes time to sex young geese, the process is quite simple: you tip the birds upside down and look at the vent in their nether parts—a gander has a penis, a goose doesn't. A little later—weeks rather than months—size and shape are the indicators; the gander is up to a third bigger than the goose.
Single Page « Previous 1 2 3 4 Next »
Subscribe now for more of Smithsonian's coverage on history, science and nature.









Comments (4)
There is a photo of a "woman with a balanced pet in Yunnan, China" contained in this article in the December 2006 Smithsonian. Can anyone tell me how I can get a copy of this photo or painting?
Posted by Jackie on April 3,2010 | 04:51 PM
What is at the center of Theroux's discontent here? Distaste for a doddering old man? A respect for the sanctity of objective observation? Are we supposed to marvel in admiration at Theroux's restraint or his mastery of goose natural history?
Perhaps Theroux is projecting onto White his fear of one day becoming a deluded, uncritical old man, in much the same way he accuses White of projecting his insecurities onto his geese. Maybe Theroux is using White as his own anthropomorphic pet.
And is Theroux really so irritated by White's harmless anthropomorphization? Perhaps Theroux would argue that it isn't harmless; that it distorts our view of "science". If in fact he is sincerely presenting this as a point of contention, I take it as proof of my conclusion: Theroux is taking geese, and himself too seriously.
Posted by hogspook on February 25,2010 | 07:42 PM
I was fascinated to learn about geese since I have studied chickens these past 10 years and have come to believe there is no such thing as a "pecking order," that this is an anthromorphism created by humans to explain the unnatural behaviors of animals held in prison-like conditions (as Theroux noted!)
My biggest question remained unfortunately unanswered: does the "leader," the victor of dominance battles eat first-- or does he maintain the order while his goose and goslings eat?
That is what I have seen in chickens: the prize for the rooster is not to eat first, but to be the premier administrator and protector of the flock (with the vanquished remaining in the flock, same as with the geese). So, Theroux, do tell, pecking order or no pecking order?
Posted by Katha Sheehan on December 20,2009 | 08:02 AM
What patent, patronizing nonsense. Geese do mourn - geese do harbor animosities - read Lorenz, read Berndt Heinrich (and observe wild geese). Check Darwin. Geese do indeed establish bonds with humans without being fed (my personal experience.) "How pitiful," wrote Voltaire, "what poverty of mind, to have said that animals are machines deprived of understanding and feeling." And how human-centric. Must goose mourning be human mourning to matter, and to be observed? Susan Russell
Posted by Susan Russell on June 11,2008 | 03:57 PM