Ancient Homeowner Association Rules
What if these meticulously planned communities are not just a modern phenomenon?
- By David Martin
- Smithsonian magazine, January 2010, Subscribe
The homeowners association is thought to be a moder phenomenon, but a recent archaeological excavation near England suggests otherwise. Illustration by Eric Palma
Ah, the homeowners association, which dictates everything from the shape of your shrubs to the color of your house. Such meticulously planned communities are generally thought to be a modern phenomenon, but a recent archaeological excavation near England’s Hamme-on-Rye unearthed a 14th-century document that suggests otherwise:
A covenant set to hand this Twelfth Day of June in the year of our Lord 1365 between the Manor by the Meadow Association of Freeholders and the owner in fee symple. Whereas the owner hath entered into this covenant in order to enjoye the especial liffestyle offered by the Manor and to avoid all unnecessary discord, the owner doth hereby acknowledge and acquiesce to certaine rules to ensure the faithful and serene enjoyment of the properties hereby governed, to witte:
Colour Of Abode
In the interests of achieving a pleasing harmony and a clene appearance for the community, the colour of the exterior of each abode shall not be changed without leve. If leve be granted, the abode may then be peynted only with one of the following colours: riverbed clay grey, cow dung brown or farm field burnt umber.
Security
A balliff charged with keeping the peace is authorized to settle disputes both publick and domestick. Manor hath further entered into contract with the Guild of Sorcerers to provide 24-hour, state-of-the-arte security to ward off the predations of trolls, hobgoblins and Frenchmen.
Safety Provisions
Each abode shalt be provided with an exterior barrel. Said barrel must be kept full of water to assist in the dousing of fires whether started by the hand of man or mouth of dragon. Barrel water must not be used for drinking, bathing infants or drouning witches.
Lighting
Manor hath provided torches throughout the community for the convenience of all. However, all torches must be extinguished by curfew and not reignited until the following dusk so as not to obscure viewing of God’s celestial firmament.
Clinic
Manor doth operate a clinic at the barbershoppe to provide physic and the healing artes to all residents. Bledeing, leeches and the treatment of excess humours are available upon request. Herbes and medicines will be administered to those possessed of the supplementary potion plan. (Please note that neither exorcism nor treatment for curses is available on site.)
Business Prohibitions
No owner is permitted to conduct a pryvat enterprise on the premises, whether as taverne keeper, trader in holy relics or seller of used oxcarts. Exceptions may be made for brewers and alchemists willing to share 30 percent of their production with the Association.
Gardens
The owner shalt be permitted a garden wherein the following vegetables may be planted: oynouns, gourdes, garlec, lekes, letys and caboches. In addition, owners may cultivate herbes such as belladonna, nightshade and henbane for personal use—though the sale of such herbes is prohibited, owing to their properties for causing fevered hallucinations of the brain.
Weekly Entertainment
Manor shalt provide weekly entertainment at the Commons on behalf of all residents. Forthcoming events include a joust tournament, the Hamme-on-Rye performance of “Punch & Judy Fight in the Crusades,” the observational humour of the stand-up Jester, Otto the Corpulent, and an elucidating lecture by Sir Charles Wentworth, founder and co-chair of the Flat Earth Society.
Refuse Removal
Refuse shalt be removed on every Tuesday and Thursday. Homeowners should throw any mullok and other unwanted materials out of their windows to the footpath below. Barrels are available near the Commons for the recycling of parchment and chainmail.
David Martin’s essay “Same Olde, Same Olde” appeared in the October 2008 Smithsonian.
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Comments (11)
Hilarious! May I reprint this article in our Association's monthly newsletter/magazine?
Posted by Ray D. on May 24,2010 | 11:28 AM
I would really like to see the source information on this piece. Frankly, the wording is too much like modern day, even with the contrived spellings, for me to truly believe this. I tried googling Hamme-on-Rye - and found nothing. Perhaps that's also part of the joke? Ham on Rye?
Posted by Katrina S. on April 20,2010 | 08:41 PM
Here ye,here ye.
Be this truth or one man's joke re an especial "lifestyle" - a word I doubt existed near the time of the Black Death.
Posted by S Pauley on January 27,2010 | 01:45 PM
I'm wondering if there was an oversight as to the parking in ones own driveway. Were all oxcarts to be "barned" by days end? Or was ones use of ones driveway to be for ones own choice?
Posted by Dennis Lyle on January 3,2010 | 08:00 PM
Fourteenth Century clearly predated any society in defense of the shape of the Earth, which was known only to Mohammedans and Templars.
Freeholders weren't Tenants, as did have such rules. I recall, perhaps from the Agricultural Testament, that Tenant Farmers might face a Fifty Pound Tally, for converting Meadow to Field.
Entertainment was more than just Weekly, and the Reeve would supervise many contests, in the week, in order to better get the work done. Note, Television did not yet maintain the smallness of the Peasant Mind, nor Air Conditioning that of Parliament. Football was prohibited, lest it interfere with the regular Archery Contests.
I'd expect the history department of such a young government to keep better track of recent events.
Posted by Anubis'dopted of Isis on December 25,2009 | 05:25 PM
This be a jest.
Posted by Rex Deaver on December 25,2009 | 09:30 AM
Painful - just... painful; really now :)
Posted by SL Niemann on December 24,2009 | 09:41 PM
Wow.. you mean my HOA has been around THAT long. It's the same wording I have on my contract!
Posted by Danelle Dragonetti on December 24,2009 | 06:18 PM
This is amazing! I wonder, in comparison to today's incarnation of homeowners associations, was this covenant signed by each owner, or simply posted under "constructive notice" to legally bind the homeowner?
Perhaps today's incarnation should require a "Guild of Sorcerers" to keep out evil predations by our modern version of trolls and hobgoblins, the special interest national lobbying organization that opposes constitutional protections for members in HOAs (see NJ appellate court amicus brief in Twin Rivers free speech case, filed by Community Associations Institute).
Read more about how 20% of AMericans live under authritarian private governments:
http://pvtgov.wordpress.com
Posted by GEORGE K. STAROPOLI on December 24,2009 | 10:27 AM
I didn't realize you had a sense of humor.
Posted by Steve Aberger on December 24,2009 | 10:04 AM